Read more about the article Therapy is helping me become better
Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

Therapy is helping me become better

I had therapy yesterday and I feel like I'm making progress. I'm the picture of imperfection and I'm the first to admit that but the last to forgive myself for it. This last year has been incredibly challenging for me and that came after the hardest six months of my life. Losing my last two grandparents was so hard and I hadn't yet found my footing when my marriage imploded for a second time. That began a journey I didn't ask to go one but it was something I had no control over. Ensuring the kids got through all this has been my number one priority and honestly, that came at my own expense. Then COVID hit and our lives were turned upside down once again, just like everyone else.…

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September 17, 2020
Read more about the article I’m so proud of myself for pushing through
My thoughts

I’m so proud of myself for pushing through

I feel fricking amazing because I set out to tackle a project and I saw it through to completion. That's a big deal to me and I'm really proud of myself for pushing through my overwhelming desire to give up. Emmett helped me and I was able to teach him a little at the same time. I mentioned before that I wanted to conceal and manage all the wires, cables and everything else related to my podcasr that could be tucked away neatly. Yes, I realize the cables going into and out of the cloud lifter are incorrectly installed. It's fixed. ☺ The underside of my table now contains all wires and cables for my laptop, mixing board, cloud lifter, microphone, and power supplies. Everything is secured, organized and out…

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September 6, 2020
Read more about the article #Depression doesn’t play fair and neither can I when fighting back
My thoughts

#Depression doesn’t play fair and neither can I when fighting back

Today I'm working on rebuilding my happy place. My happy place is my podcast studio, at least since COVID hit. I've decided that I need to put some intentional focus here because it's a place that helps me find calm and that's good for my mental health. My mental health has taken a few blows since lockdown. My project today is cable management. I know that sounds stupid but I hate, hate, hate seeing cables all over the place. Also, our cats have a thing for chewing on cables and some of these are very expense and some have power running through them. So while it's a nice to organize the chaos, it's also making things safer for the cats. Everything is torn apart at the moment I'm currently waiting…

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September 6, 2020
Read more about the article Today was full of accomplishments
Elliott / Emmett John / My Personal Victory / My thoughts

Today was full of accomplishments

Elliott had his first day back today and it went amazingly well. I say first day back because we moved both Elliott and Emmett back to their old school. They're remote learning instead of distance learning and the experience thus far has been night and day. Emmett is supposed to start Friday, September 4th but we're still waiting on some things to be processed. I'll call in the morning and see what's going on. Maybe he can still get started. The setup is very different than what we've been dealing with these past two weeks. Elliott remotely goes to school four days a week and Emmett will attend remotely, three days a week. The off days are for homework and extra help if needed. Elliott had a great day and…

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September 3, 2020
Read more about the article My little victory over #depression and a gentle reminder to all of you
Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

My little victory over #depression and a gentle reminder to all of you

First of all, I really appreciate all the love and support. We're all in this together and I sometimes forget that. Thank you for the many reminders. ☺ I wanted to share a bit more about something I alluded to in the previous post (see here). Yesterday, Elliott did his daily can we go walking Dad. I wish I could take them whenever they wanted me to but the truth is, I honestly don't feel it's always safe. There are also times when I simply lack the motivation and energy. That's usually due complications related to my ongoing war with depression. Without fail, Elliott asked me to take them all to Quail Hollow, a park within driving distance from our house. It's one of our favorite places to visit during…

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August 9, 2020
Read more about the article Why is this so fucking complicated?
Clozapine / Gavin / Medication Management / My thoughts

Why is this so fucking complicated?

The goddamn pharmacy didn't get Gavin's Clozapine filled in time for the second week in a row. This is very time sensitive and it's in a set schedule. Gavin gets his bloodwork done on Monday or Tuesday and they pull the labs Tuesday afternoon. The script gets filled and delivered by Wednesday afternoon. It's really not that complicated because it's the same thing each week. I made several phone calls at the beginning of the week to ensure everything was in order. I even called late Tuesday afternoon to remind them to call for the labs and make sure the script was either ready for pickup or delivered by Wednesday afternoon. I was assured this wouldn't be a problem. Thankfully, we have an emergency supply to cover for disruptions like…

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January 18, 2018
Read more about the article Depression Confession: Major progress has been made
Confessions / Depression Management / My thoughts

Depression Confession: Major progress has been made

Today begins phase 2 of my withdrawal from Paxil. I'm officially on half on my original dose and that's progress. The first two weeks were absolutely horrible. It was like the worst case of the flu I've ever experienced. That lasted about a week and a half. After that misery was over the insomnia began. My experience for the last week or so has been much, much better. The first two and a half weeks sucked but it definitely got better. For the next four weeks, I'll be taking 20 mg/day. That's 20 mg/day less than I've been taking for the last few years. More likely than not, therr will be more unpleasant withdrawal symptoms and I suspect it may follow the original pattern. I know how ridiculous it sounds…

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January 16, 2018