Meltdowns Archives - Page 66 of 299

It’s been 1 week since my marriage ended and here’s how we’re doing

Today marks one week since our lives changed forever and things haven't been easy for us. When something as impactful as a parent moving out happens, there's a ripple effect. I think considering everything that's going on, the kids are doing okay. They're each dealing in their own way and the only one who's not phased either way is Gavin. Emmett is struggling, as is Elliott. They do so in different ways. Emmett won't sleep in his bed right now and glues himself to me at night. I've told him that we need to work on getting him back in his own bed but if for right now he needs this, it's absolutely okay. Elliott just kinda shuts down and pretends like everything is okay. It's pretty obvious that he's…

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August 20, 2019

My thoughts

Better late than never I suppose

The boys and I had a pretty decent day yesterday. There were ups and downs but all things considered, I'm tossing it into the win column. I meant to update everyone last night but I was exhausted and didn't get around to it. My main focus for today is to get Gavin's labs done and his Clozapine refilled. It's been a nightmare trying to get his Clozapine refilled over the last few months. The lab never faxes the results like they are supposed to and the pharmacy doesn't seek then out until I call about his script. It's not their fault. They're at the mercy of the lab. It's just incredibly frustrating. Aside from his labs that need done, he will also need his IVIG Infusion done today as well.…

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August 19, 2019

My thoughts / New Beginnings

Trying desperately to not let their summer be defined by the collapse of my marriage

As the summer winds to a close, it was very important to me that the last major experience the kids had before school starting, wasn't their lives being turned upside down when their Mom left. Emmett has been really stressed out in particular because he's convinced that he will have to write twelve sentences about his summer and he didn't want to have to talk about what happened. While I seriously doubt anyone would make him talk about what happened in front of his class, I understood where he was coming from and so did my parents. Lizze and I had been planning to take them to the Great Lakes Science Center before school started and that was still the plan, only less one person. My Mom and Dad decided…

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August 18, 2019

My thoughts / New Beginnings

I’m hoping this short trip helps us get our footing

We're on our way to Cook Forest State Park. We'll probably arrive around 11 AM and the boys are really excited. I'm not feeling so well this morning. It's not that I'm sick, I'm just heartbroken. The truth at its most fundamental level is that I miss my wife. This is really hard for me because I have to be strong for the kids but at the same time, I've also lost my best friend. I don't really know what to do anymore. Every part of me is grieving and it's sometime hard to hold it together. In a way, I feel like it's good for the kids to see me grieving at times because it's a reminder that they aren't alone. This is devastating for all four of us.…

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August 17, 2019

My thoughts / New Beginnings

The boys first official visit went well and we have big plans for tomorrow

The boys had their first official visit since the split and I think it went really well, at least it sounds like it did. That's fantastic as far as I'm concerned because I want as little to change for them as possible. I was a bit nervous because it's a big change for them but it sounds like they did great. 😊❤️ They got home around 2:30 PM and we had a pretty quiet afternoon. My sister had invited us over for dinner but I didn't want to overwhelm the kids. They had just arrived home and I thought it best to play things low-key. In the morning, my Dad and I are taking the kids to visit Cook Forest State Park in Clarion Pennsylvania for the day. It's about…

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August 16, 2019

My thoughts / New Beginnings

I’m not sure where to even begin

The boys will be back soon and I'm feeling a good bit overwhelmed at the moment. I wanted to get the living room gutted before they got home and put up my late grandmother's bookshelves next to the TV. I got the shelves in place but there's a ton of shit I need to go through. I thought the extra storage space would be helpful and we can begin making the house our own once again. Unfortunately, I'm getting overwhelmed and I'm running out of time to get this done because the boys will be home soon. There's not a great deal they can actually help me with at this point cause I need to go through everything and decide what to keep. While I was cleaning off one of…

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August 16, 2019

My thoughts

I’m very much on edge right now

My first night without the kids was pretty rough. I'm almost never away from them and having the house completely devoid of even their fighting is unsettling. I miss them doing the things that drive me crazy. Is that weird? I had zero plans for the evening. I had a pizza in the freezer and Netflix on TV. It's weird because I've lost all interest in watching anything that I used to watch before my life turned upside-down. I have a DVR full of shows that I want nothing to do with anymore. Maybe that's normal, considering. Anyway, before my evening could even get started, I got a call that my sister needed help and I spent most of the evening helping her. I didn't get home until after 10PM…

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August 16, 2019

My thoughts

My kids have their first visitation today and this is killing me

Today is a really going to be difficult for me because the kids have their first visit with their mom since she moved out. Actually, they already left for their first visit. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad that they can visit her because it's so important to have both parents in their lives. I truly, firmly believe that. At the very same time, I'm sitting in an empty, broken home and needing to stop my brain from trying to figure out what the fuck is happening. It sucks and I really wish things were different. I'm going to use the time to get some things done around the house and try to keep busy. The more I do that, the less time I have to think about my…

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August 15, 2019