Meltdowns Archives - Page 61 of 299

Does time really heal all wounds?

I made it through what I thought was going to be a difficult night. I'm so glad the kids can go visit their mom but at the same time, I hate that any of this is even necessary in the first place. I don't know what to do without them. I'm almost never alone and haven't been for damn near twenty years. All of a sudden I find myself with no one around me and it's uncomfortable. Maybe that sounds weird. Having said that, I feel like I had a pretty good night. I ordered a pizza and watched a couple of movies. I did some work around the house before calling it a night. My brain still can't wrap itself around everything that's happened. I understand as much as…

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August 31, 2019

My thoughts / New Beginnings

I keep telling myself that it’s all gonna be okay

Well, the kids are visiting their mom tonight. I still can't believe those words are even coming out of my mouth, but they are. I have so many mixed feelings about this but I'm definitely happy that the kids are seeing their mom. That's so important to me and I will go to the ends of the Earth to support that. On the other hand, I'm heartbroken and lonely. Right after they left, I cut the grass for the first time in weeks. I honestly didn't care about the yard for awhile but poor Ruby disappeared into the grass and we couldn't see her anymore. It was time and I forced myself to get it done. It was a battle but I fought the lawn and I won. ☺ With…

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August 30, 2019

My thoughts / New Beginnings / Silly Selfie

We had a f*cking awesome morning and this is why

We've had a great start to the day. Elliott was dragging his feet, as many teenagers do at this age but the important thing is that he went to school willingly. It's also important to note that the school hasn't called. Dammit, I probably just jinxed everything. Anyway, Emmett was also in a great mood as well. I've not had one person scream at me today and that feels pretty good. ☺ Just to show how positive the morning has been, we even took a silly selfie on the way to school. They've not been in the mood to do that recently and it's something we used to do all the time. As we were walking out the door, someone suggested bringing Harley (our cat) for the ride. Emmett really…

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August 30, 2019

My thoughts / Today's Victory

I’m so grateful for these 3 amazing things that happened yesterday

Admittedly, I had a really really bad day yesterday and I had a difficult time seeing any positives as a result. Last night I had bizarre, divorce related nightmares. It was the kind of nightmares where I woke up suddenly, in a cold sweat. That said, I did sleep some and I'm grateful for that. Part of me feels recharged enough to recognize that we had some positive things sprinkled into our lives yesterday. I want to start the new day by focusing on them. There aren't in any particular order. It's the order my brain is stringing my thoughts together this morning. So, yeah.. Yesterday I took the plunge and made pepperoni rolls more from scratch. I used raw pizza dough and sandwich pepperoni. I made a batch while…

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August 30, 2019

My thoughts

I’ve been screamed at more times than I can f*cking count today and it sucks

I've had a very difficult day today. I've done my best and my best wasn't even close. I'm really, really struggling at this time and it's more difficult than it should be because I'm trying so hard to hide my whatever this is from the kids. They have enough on their plates. Lizze and I are committed to keeping them out of as many grownup issues as possible. The kids are struggling. Elliott was sent home from school today because he wasn't feeling well. He didn't even make it to 9:30 AM before he became so emotionally overwhelmed that he presented with physical symptoms. He had a headache and nausea. QHe looked absolutely miserable and I truly believe that he felt like shit but I also know that he's not…

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August 29, 2019

Bad Days / My thoughts / New Beginnings

I’m a raw nerve today

I've talked about having good days and bad days. I've spoken about healing the open wounds and it's all a process. I thought I was actually doing pretty good until this morning. Today is definitely a bad day for me. It's one of those days where I feel like a raw nerve. Everything is getting to me and I feel like I'm drowning. Elliott came home from school sick. He's not physically ill but is so stressed out that he feels sick just the same. Lizze and I are working together to help him through this. That's absolutely a positive thing but even so, it's not a quick fix. It's a process. I'm so overwhelmed by everything today and not seeing an end in sight. At the same time, I…

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August 29, 2019

My thoughts

I’m all about the path of least resistance today because I’m f*cking exhausted

The boys are up and moving. Everyone's mostly cooperative and I'm very grateful for that. I've been having bad dreams lately and my sleep is not restful, so I appreciate things being a bit easier this morning. My plan is to work around the house today. I really want to get the hallway leading to the basement gutted and cleaned up. It would make getting to and from the basement so much easier. Everything I can do to streamline our lives is a positive thing at this point. I have a meeting this afternoon and I'm not even almost slightly looking forward to it. It's a necessary evil but one I wish wasn't needed. Assuming I survive the meeting and I will, I'll pickup the kids and head home for…

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August 29, 2019

My thoughts

Instead of focusing on my failures, let’s focus on what I got right today

We had a busy day today and while the important things got done, there's a million other things that didn't. I'm currently in the headspace where it's easier to focus on all the things I didn't get done, instead of what I managed to accomplish. It's a bit of depression talking and I know that. While it's not easy and there are plenty of times that I have to actually force myself, it's important that I not lose sight of the positive things going on in my life right now. The reality is that I got both kids to school this morning. That's proving to be difficult thus far because they're both struggling a great deal. I got Elliott to his appointment today and was able to explain to the…

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August 29, 2019