After bringing Gavin home from his bloodwork this morning, I crashed in the couch. I haven't eaten or slept well, since this all began. It's not like I slept super well anyway. After I woke up, I felt a little better but I have quite a few phone calls to make today. I need to suck it up and get through this.
Emmett wine up in a horrible mood today, making everything more difficult. We had to get Lizze to an appointment, and then Gavin to get his lab work done. Neither of the boys wanted to go anywhere, and thankfully, Lizze's appointment was canceled at the last minute, whole we were in the parking lot waiting. This is the one time that a cancelation like this works out for the best. I took everyone home before Gavin and I went to the blood lab. I'm so nervous, but I see how strong Gavin is being and that's pretty inspirational.
This morning begins the new routine of blood work every single day. I'm not sure about Sunday's because the lab is closed. Either way, Gavin's now facing at least ten needle sticks a week. When I explained to Gavin last night, about the need to daily bloodwork, he broke down and cried. I didn't go into details about why it was necessary because he wouldn't have understood anyway. What I told him was that the doctor needs to keep an eye on some things in your blood. All he heard from that whole conversation was that he was getting blood work every day. The poor kid is terrified, and I hate having to put him through this. At the second time, the alternative just isn't okay. What would be nice…
I'm so out of sorts right now. I'm scared to death about what's going to happen to Gavin. It's probably safe to say that I'm not handling it well at the moment. I've got so much nervous energy, I can't stop my leg from bouncing up and down on the floor. I ended up jumping down Lizze's throat, over something that was stupid. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so on edge, that I'm simply have no patience. I feel sick to my stomach and I keep closing my eyes, hoping that when I open them, this would all have been a dream.
I'm keeping this super short because I feel sick to my stomach. I need to share that we received Gavin's lab results back this evening, and unfortunately it's not good news. Gavin's numbers across the board have dropped since yesterday. His Neutrophil level has dropped from 2.8 last month, 2.0 yesterday, and 1.8 today. His actual WBC was 3.8 yesterday and today it was 3.2 (I'm pretty sure that what they said.) After speaking with his doctor, Gavin will continue with the Clozapine for now, but needs blood work every single day. That's got Gavin really stressed out, and I don't blame him. I'm barely holding it together myself and it's not actually happening to me. As I understand it, if or when he hits 1.5, we pull the plug…
We have a lot going on right now. At the time of publication, we still haven't received the results from Gavin's labs drawn a few hours ago. I'm on edge and feeling like I'm losing my mind. Inside all the chaos, fear, worry, and heartbreak, I'm managing to focus on the blessings. Right now I just want to share how blessed we are to have such supportive families. I'll only speak to our parents because they are the most actively involved and deserve to be singled out. Both Lizze and I have very, very supportive parents. There's rarely a time that we've not been able to call them at the last minute to watch the boys when something comes up. Between our parents, we are able to get breaks from…
Emmett and I made a quick trip to the grocery store. Ever since he was little, he would stop as he was going down the aisle, and straighten up the shelves. He's even put things back where they belonged. At that point in time, Monk was still on TV. Emmett reminded me so much of Adrian Monk, and that's a compliment because I loved that show. I took this picture yesterday. My little Monk still has it. ☺
We just got back from having Gavin's bloodwork redone. It's gonna take a few hours before we hear anything back. I can't explain how long the next few hours are going to be. One of the things we've had to learn over the years, is how to hurry up and wait. I'm so nervous and I just want to know what's going on.