I received really bad news as Lizze and I were leaving her grandmother's funeral, on our way to the cemetery yesterday.
Today was a really difficult day for many reasons. Some of those reasons are obvious and some I won't be talking about right now. Perhaps someday, I'll have the courage to open up more than I have previously. As for the many things I will talk about, it was rough. The funeral went about as well an any funeral could go. It was sad but handled beautifully. It was heartbreaking but there was celebration at the same time. I picked the boys up from school after the cemetery, while Lizze rode back to the church with her cousin. The boys ended up having a fun with their cousins and we spent a bit more time with family before heading our separate ways. This whole week has taken its toll on…
We're going to be leaving is a little bit to drop Gavin off at my parents house. We've made the choice to not bring him, even to the luncheon and we've done that for a couple of reasons. The biggest reason is that he's Schizophrenic and Autistic. Emotionally charged environments are very destabilizing for him. It doesn't matter if the emotion is joy or sadness. It's not something he can process. He won't get sad or depressed by these event but he will likely experience more hallucinations and that's not good. WebMD For people with schizophrenia, stress can trigger symptoms. Gavin's already struggling with new voices and his medication situation is delicate. Basically, we don't want to take any chances that this will push him over the edge. The second…
We're not off to a good start this morning. Emmett's not in a good place and he's freaking out because he doesn't wear dress pants. He wears comfy pants because of numerous sensory issues and is afraid that he won't match everyone else at the luncheon, after the funeral this afternoon. He's screaming and it's barely 7 am. To make matters worse, his glasses broke last night and I can't glue them back together. They actually broke about 2 weeks ago and I superglued them back together. They've broke a few times since and I've reglued them. Unfortunately, they simply won't stick anymore when glued. I should also mention that I believe this I'd the first time Emmett's ever broken his glasses and he's been wearing glasses for many years.…
First things first. Calling hours were really nice, at least as far as calling hours go. Lizze's family did a beautiful job and while it was sad, it was a positive experience, filled with a lifetime of memories. If I told you Lizze was okay, that wouldn't be true, but in time she will be. The boys are really struggling. They're dealing with all of this in a different way. They aren't crying or expressing emotion in that regard. What they are doing is absorbing all the emotion around them and become so overwhelmed, they don't know what to do. They're having a hard time sleeping and they're very easily frustrated. We're seeing an increase in meltdowns and fighting. As much as we try to shield them from our emotions,…
Today is a total fucking mess. Lizze found something to wear but I needed to go find something at the store. I spent three hours trying to find a goddamn pair of pants and a shirt. I've lost 40 pounds but it's still frustrating trying to find pants or clothes in general. I finally found the big and tall section but it was super tiny and not very helpful. I found a sweater and a pair of pants but I was so frazzled at end that I'm about to lose my fucking mind. As I was getting dressed and ready to leave for calling hours, I noticed the pants are frayed in the knee. I need to take them back and swap them out for another pair that doesn't have…
This week is just not going as planned. Truthfully, none of this was planned and how could it be? What I'm referring to is our plans to deal with the unplanned events of this week.. Our goal has been to get the kids back to school but they're missing their second day today. No one is in a very good place and everyone is on emotional overload, with the only exception being Gavin. Frankly, I'm glad he's not going through what the rest of us are. Every single day of is life is hard for him and if even can escape things from time to time because he just doesn't process things like grief, more power to him. He doesn't need anymore challenges in his life. Lizze and I are…
We're trying to do right by them but at the same time, give them a chance to be a part of the process.