One of the most misunderstood things about Autism is the meltdown. People commonly conflate meltdowns with tantrums and it's really important to understand the difference.
On January 4, 2019, my Grandfather passed away. I know many of you are aware that he'd been living with my parents for a while now. 2018 had been a pretty rough year for him. He's suffered multiple strokes and he lost much of his independence but he never lost his sense of humor. He was basically a mischievous child trapped in a 92 year olds body and we all loved him for it. My grandfather was a Marine, serving during World War II. He was incredibly proud of his service to our country and inspired some of his grandchildren to serve as well. Growing up, we lived about an hour or so apart but I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, especially during the summer. We were…
I've been thinking about how to describe the way I'm feeling and the only thing I can come up with is that I've had better days. I know that sounds pretty generic but its all I have at the moment. I'm not in a really good place and I'm struggling to sorta keep the ship righted. I'm completely exhausted both physically and emotionally. I didn't sleep last night and I can feel depression taking hold of me. There's too much happening all at once and I'm bogged down, no longer able to process things right now. All I want to do is shutdown for a little while but unfortunately, that's simply not an option. I have too many things that I have to figure out in the next couple of…
As a full-time caregiver, I'm really struggling at the moment and talking about it helps.
Lizze and the boys are in bed. I'm with my parents and siblings, sitting with my grandfather. This is fucking awful and it's so hard to bare witness to someone leaving this life. We sat the boys down and explained what was happening. They were able to visit with him but Emmett is taking it really hard. Elliott is internalizing everything at the moment but he will likely breakdown as soon as he let's his guard down. Gavin is completely obvious and unaffected. I took everyone home a couple hours ago and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'll probably eventually go home but it doesn't feel right to do that. When my grandmother passed away fifteen years ago, Lizze and I left the hospital and didn't make…
Lizze and I made it to the Cleveland Clinic's Neurological Center for Pain. We actually made it 10 minutes early and considering traffic, that's a miracle. Lizze and I have set a goal to find at least some answers but also some relief from her constant, crippling pain. We need to get the medication situation straightened out immediately. Wish us luck but also know that she's in good hands with the Cleveland Clinic.. ☺
Lizze is in rough shape today. This migraine is relentless and you can see that it's taking its toll on her. She's absolutely miserable and there's nothing I can do to help her. It's so bad she can't be touched. There's not anything I can do but get her to her appointment today. The pain makes her sick and unable to eat or sleep. I'm hoping that we can find something that will help her get some relief. We have an hour plus drive to Cleveland today and she's not in a place to endure that. Unfortunately, it's the only option and it's important that we get there. I fucking hate that I can't help her with this. No one should have to live in this much pain and if…
I'm feeling incredibly defeated today and there's a number of legitimate reasons for that. It's important to put things into context so here's a but of background. Life is tough for my family on a good day. Including myself, there are five people in my immediate family, and four have special needs. All four are in various places on the Autism Spectrum. Three struggle with serious anxiety that impacts their daily life. Three have ADHD. Three have serious sensory processing challenges that interfere with their daily life. Two have asthma. One has food allergies. One struggles with a very rare fever disorder. One struggles with Schizophrenia, Childhood Disintegrative Disorder, significant cognitive impairment, Common Variable Immunodeficiency, an extremely rare Autonomic disorder, epilepsy, neuromuscular issues, a blood disorder, Ehlers-Danlos (possibly vascular) and…