Read more about the article Last update before surgery
My thoughts

Last update before surgery

Alright folks, I've got a shit load of nervous energy right now. I'm leaving inside the next 30 minutes and heading to the oral surgeon. I'm not going to lie and say I'm feeling awesome because I'm not. At the same time, I'm far more chill than I expected. I will be taking something in about 20 minutes, so that as I enter this procedure, I'm relaxed. I'm going on about 2 hours of sleep and I haven't eaten anything since noon yesterday. I've just been so nervous, I couldn't eat. Depression is making this whole experience so much more difficult than it probably should be and I'm incredibly anxious to begin my new antidepressant. I can't live like this. I'm told I'll probably sleep the rest of the day…

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March 22, 2019
Read more about the article This Week’s Pod: Bittersweet Victories
My thoughts / Podcast

This Week’s Pod: Bittersweet Victories

In this episode, I talk about what many of us face from time to time. Bittersweet Victories are the kind of victory that comes after a loss. In the case of my family, Gavin is losing significant skills and while we are heartbroken to see this loss, he still managed to do something for the first time. While any loss is a negative thing, any progress is worth celebrating.Hence, Bittersweet Victories. Please take a moment and share this Pod.. ☺

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March 21, 2019
Read more about the article We had some incredibly violent outbursts
Gavin / My thoughts

We had some incredibly violent outbursts

We had some very violent outbursts last night and yesterday. Gavin was making some mistakes and not coping with them well at all. The two main ones were at dinner time and revolved around issues with his food. The first one was in regards to his Ramon Noodles. He made Ramon for dinner, used cold water and realized that when he went to eat it, it was cold. Our water cooler had been out of water over the weekend and when it's empty, we shut it off. We forgot to turn it back on yesterday when we refilled the water jugs and as a result, the water wasn't heating or cooling. He didn't notice that the water coming out was cold, which is weird cause it's pretty obvious due to…

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March 19, 2019
Read more about the article Gavin had a HORRIBLE night
Gavin / My thoughts

Gavin had a HORRIBLE night

This will be quick because we've not had a good evening. Gavin has been freaking out all night. He self-injured and hit the wall, quite hard actually. I'm exhausted but I wanted to let you guys know what's going on with his meds. It's been decided that Gavin will stop Clozapine. We're doing this over the next 3 weeks and while we are concerned about what this potentially means, it's clear that it's in his best interest. I'll talk more about the issues we had tonight, later today. For right now, my head is pounding and I'm so fucking stressed out I can't take it. I need to go to bed and try to sleep this off. Stay tuned.

4 Comments
March 18, 2019
Read more about the article I’m taking back control over my life this week
My thoughts

I’m taking back control over my life this week

I'm not looking forward to this week. We have a huge decision to make in regards to Gavin's medication and I have oral surgery scheduled for this Friday. I feel absolutely zero excitement for either of these things and frankly, I'm very much on edge. Doing right by Gavin is a very difficult task because it's rarely black and white. In most cases, it's complex, convoluted, confusing and utterly grey. There's no clear cut right or wrong answer and we often find ourselves having to pick between several terrible options. As far as my oral surgery goes, I'm pretty freaked out. I was traumatized during emergency oral surgery as a small child and so there's a whole lot of baggage here. I'm having my 3 wisdom teeth removed and the…

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March 18, 2019
Read more about the article A very difficult but necessary decision
Clozapine / Gavin / My thoughts

A very difficult but necessary decision

Lizze and I have come to a very difficult but necessary decision over the weekend. In the morning, Gavin sees his psychiatrist. When we see him, Lizze and I are going to discuss pulling Gavin off of Clozapine. Why in the world would we want to take our Autistic and Schizophrenic 19 year old son off of the only antipsychotic that has ever worked? That's a great question. Put simply, Lizze and I are very concerned about Gavin's ever increasing level of confusion, especially in the first 5 or 6 hours following his morning dose. He's been on Clozapine for a very long time but in recent years, we've had to decrease his dose because his body wasn't handling it as well as it once had. We've run into things…

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March 18, 2019
Read more about the article It’s been a long weekend
My thoughts

It’s been a long weekend

We had a really long day yesterday but it was a pretty good one. I took the boys walking in the morning and everyone had a great time. We saw the lonely duck and for the second time, it flew from across the park, landed a few feet from us and walked right up to Emmett. This duck seems to have a thing for Emmett because the last time I had Emmett walking with me, it made a beeline from across the other side of the park, crossing the creek, hopping out and waddling right up to Emmett. It's a pretty unique experience and one that Emmett's getting a big kick out of. After the park, we made it home in time to get cleaned up, pick up Lizze and…

4 Comments
March 17, 2019