Insomnia Archives - Page 54 of 353

I wish he could just be a kid

Gavin and I waited outside the school as we do every single day. Gavin was lost in his game and I was anxiously awaiting the doors to open so I could see how the boys did today. They've both been struggling at school as a result of all the recent changes that have been forced upon them. The good news is that both of them made it through the day. Emmett was in pretty good shape and that's awesome. Elliott on the other hand, had a pretty rough day and it absolutely breaks my heart. When he went to school this morning, he was so stressed out that he'd broken out in hives. Before school, I gave him his new antihistamine that doubles as a mild anti-anxiety medication, hoping that…

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September 18, 2019

Elliott / Emmett John / My thoughts / New Beginnings / School

Even baby steps are steps forward

It was a rough night. Emmett had nightmares throughout the entire night and kept waking up. I'm exhausted and we ended up oversleeping as a result. To make things worse, I was so overwhelmed last night that I forgot to bake a new batch of pepperoni rolls for their lunches. Thankfully, Elliott and Emmett both decided to have leftover pizza in their lunch instead. I'm pretty sure they took pitty on me and while I appreciate that, I'm hoping they actually eat their lunch today. We got out the door a few minutes early because I needed to talk to the school and clarify how we were going to handle the boys when they were distressed while at school. I made sure the boys were present so everyone was on…

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September 18, 2019

Clozapine / Gavin / My thoughts

A super quick but important Clozapine update

A quick follow up on the status of Gavin's Clozapine prescription. I had mentioned last week that we were trying to get his Clozapine script approved for a 14 day supply at a time. Gavin's numbers have been stable for the last 6 months and he's eligible to move to the new script. We just needed to make sure the powers that be approved it. His refill arrived late last week and to my dismay, it was only a 7 day supply. It took a few calls to get through to the pharmacy and when I did, I questioned them about the script. Turns out, they simply filled the wrong on and going forward, they will try to fill for the 14 day supply. This of course assumes that it…

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September 18, 2019

My thoughts

I feel like I’m f*cking drowning right now

I'm not feeling super positive tonight folks. Being a parent to kids with Autism and/or Special Needs is fucking hard. It's incredibly rewarding and worth every effort that goes into it, but it's fucking challenging in ways that are simply impossible to understand unless you've lived it. Navigating this life would be challenging in a vacuum but unfortunately, life doesn't exist in a vacuum. Life is full of shit that makes it even more complicated than it already is. Today has been one of those days where there was so much shit going on in my life, that I honestly questioned if I was strong enough to keep moving forward. My kids are struggling and when they're struggling, I'm hyper-vigilant. I'm so fucking stressed out right now that my chest…

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September 17, 2019

Elliott / Emmett John / My thoughts

School DID NOT go so well today

Unfortunately, I could tell by the expression on Elliott's face as he walked out of the school building, that it wasn't a good day. What really caught me off guard is how upset Emmett was when he climbed into the car. I hadn't even had a chance to ask Elliott what was going on before Emmett went off. Turns out he was upset because he felt Elliott had been failed by the school today. Apparently, Elliott wasn't feeling well at lunchtime and wanted to go home. He was told that he couldn't leave the building and to go sit down. I understand there was also time earlier in the day where Emmett had witnessed Elliott not doing well and wanting to come home and he was denied his request. Towards…

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September 17, 2019

My thoughts

Well shit, that didn’t go as planned

Well, therapy didn't happen this afternoon. While I was in the waiting room, I received a text that said, just a reminder, I'm out this week. It's not a huge deal but I most definitely didn't know about this ahead of time. While it was unfortunate, it did afford me the time I needed to make some changes to my bank accounts that needed to be done. It's not a total loss. I may be able to move forward with car shopping now. Fingers crossed because if not, I'm going to be really, really frustrated. I finished that up just in time for Gavin and I to wait for the kids to be dismissed after a full day at school. Hopefully, when they emerge from the school, they're in good…

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September 17, 2019

My thoughts

The beautiful burden I’m lucky to be carrying

I have therapy this afternoon and I'm looking forward to going. It's tough for me to tell if it's actually working or not but I'm learning some important things along the way. The biggest issue in my life right now is everything surrounding my divorce. That includes all the things I'm personally learning to accept, as well as everything the kids are going through. Divorce makes everything more complicated and that makes an already challenging situation, more difficult to manage. This will be my 4th or 5th session, I can't remember. I like my therapist because she challenges me to think differently. It doesn't really change things but it does help me to better accept the things outside of my control. I know that there's no going back and at…

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September 17, 2019

Emmett John / My thoughts

It was like being choked in my sleep

OMG... It was a rough night. Everyone went to bed without an issue and even fell asleep as well. To the best of my knowledge, Elliott slept through the night and that's good cause I really worry about him. Emmett on the other hand, had nightmares all night long. He doesn't remember what they were about, or just doesn't want to talk about them. Either way, I understand but I wish I could help him with the. They were so bad last night that when he did sleep, he had his arms around my neck, choking me. He wasn't trying to hurt me but when whatever was happening in his nightmares got really bad, it seemed like he was trying to snuff me out in my sleep. I didn't sleep…

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September 17, 2019