Sleep last night was pretty shitty. I think I squeezed in about 3 or 4 hours of restless sleep before giving up. Poor Elliott is struggling to sleep as well. Sleep can be a fickle beast to tame and with everything going on right now, it's even....fickler? More fickle? I don't know, but you get the point. I think part of Elliott's problem is that he so anxious about seeing his mom next week. It's going to be like Christmas Eve level excitement for the next week or so. It's going to make the next seven or eight days a bit more challenging but it's totally understandable. I have no interview today, as it's been rescheduled, so I'll be able to focus on prepping for tomorrow's interview instead. A quiet…

I'm moving around much slower than I normally do because I'm much more sore from yesterday's fall than I thought I would be. That said, I slept well and have been relatively active all day. Elliott slept in pretty late because he didn't fall asleep until 6 AM this morning. I didn't know he was up all night and I wish I had because I would have tried to help him. Emmett and I spent some time throwing the football around before breakfast. It's gorgeous outside but it's also crazy hot. I was supposed to have interviews the rest of the week but 2/3 ended up with a conflict and they needed to reschedule for next week. I'm okay with that because it slows my day down and let's me…

It was a relatively quiet day. The biggest thing we had to worry about were deliveries of supplies to the house. I mentioned eariler that I was organizing the pantry and putting things back where they belong. That made putting new things away, so much easier. Over time, things get put back incorrectly or weren't put back at all. I wanted to get our supplies sorted out because I want to order only what we need and not what we don't. The boys both had appointments today with Akron Children's Hospital. This was via video and were simply medication checks. All things the same, they're both doing pretty well. There aren't any changes to anything and it wouldn't be worth mentioning aside from the fact that both of them participated…

I was asleep by 11pm and up before 8am this morning. I feel pretty good and I'm looking forward to taking on the day. Gavin was up before I was but I beat everyone else. I got the trash cans put away and watered our mint garden. Ruby spent some time outside with me while I was taking care of these things. She's now taking a nap on the couch while I catchup on the news. I don't like watching the news when the kids are around because the outlook for humanity is rather dire at the moment. Since the kids are asleep, I can get some face time with the news, so I'm able to make more informed decisions. We're expecting some supplies today and I'm organizing our pantry…

Today was a sort of a mixed bag for the boys and I. We got off to a great start in the morning but then there was a shit ton of drama surrounding Gavin's IVIG Infusion. He's becoming paranoid when it comes to this and won't leave the needles alone after they're placed. He fiddles with them and when they show the slightest sign that they might be leaking, he shuts everything down, pulls the needles and re-sticks himself. That in and of itself isn't a major issue. The problem is that the needles are supposed to be sterile and when he sticks himself multiple times, the risk of infection increases. We had a nice long, dramatic discussion about this and he gets so upset because he thinks he's causing…

I managed a decent night's sleep and I'm so grateful for that. I'm not entirely sure what I did differently but I feel much more recharged today than I have in a long while. Fitbit even liked it. I'm a pretty good start to the day and while there were some issues with Gavin and his infusion, I kept my cool and was patient. Sleep is so important and I would really like to make sure that I get many more night like this because I need it to be better for my kids and myself.

I think we had a fantastic day and I feel quite accomplished. We got so much done today and I'm incredibly proud of my kids for their help. We got some of the basement cleaned up and hauled out to the trash. I've been meaning to do this for awhile but it's just not happened. The boys and I spent some time straightening up the house. I got the car washed and waxed as well. After dinner, I got the grass cut and the yard straightened. The boys didn't stick around for too long because the mosquitoes were bad. I even got a chance to close my eyes for a few minutes. I woke up with Ruby curled up on my shoulder. My parents stopped by this evening for a…

Depression makes everything so much harder to navigate, especially as a parent. We're neck deep in a worsening pandemic and we've been locked down for 115 days now. That is not conducive to good mental health. I find that I'm doing really good on some days but bad on others. I'm anxious, preoccupied with mortality and unable to focus or remember things like I normally would be able to. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm not a quiter and I don't easily give up but I'm really struggling right now. Sleep has been eluding me and to be completely honest, I'm nearing the 1 year mark since Lizze left. It still hurts and these milestones, especially the first ones, are very painful for me. I sorta feel like I'm adrift at sea…