I'm so fucking overwhelmed by life tonight. My kids have been at other's throats all day. They're hurt and angry and unable to cope any better with all that's shaken up their world. There isn't a goddam thing I can do to make this better for them. It's absolutely heartbreaking, frustrating and among the most helpless feelings I've ever experienced. The only thing that's going to help is time and obviously therapy. This change in our family is impacting every aspect of our lives. Sleep, school, work, and especially selfcare are among the most adversely impacted. It's an uphill battle and one that we don't seem to be winning right now. All I can do is try to keep them distracted, remind them that they're loved and make sure they…

Last night, I went downstairs to check on the boys, who were camping out in the living room. This was around 1 AM and as I came down the steps, I heard a familiar ticking sound that sent chills through my spine. It was the ignitor on our gas stove. I ran into the kitchen to find the back burner barely burning but thankfully it was. I say thankfully because if it hadn't actually ignited the gas, the whole house would have been filled and that doesn't end well. This burner had been on for hours and stone was hot, as was an empty pot, just off to the side. About 6 inches from the burner was a pair of oven mitts that while flame resistant, still managed to burn.…

It's been a particularly difficult Christmas this year. The kids have been having a rough time, and if I'm completely honest, I'm running low on patience. It's not their fault, and at the same time, it's not my fault I'm struggling as well. The boys are sad, angry, and have been sick for a month. It's the first Christmas since their mom left, and it's been a very emotional one. Everyone had a great time celebrating Christmas with their mom and grandparents. I'm so happy they had that. It's incredibly important to me and I'm so glad they had it. We had a good Christmas here as well, but it was very emotional, and they were very overwhelmed. I should specify that Gavin was not experiencing these problems because he's…

Elliott and Emmett are on the mend and doing much better. I woke up this morning with a pounding headache and spent most of the day, unable to get out of bed for very long. I think whatever this is, just hit me differently than it did the boys. Unfortunately, about 7 PM this evening, Gavin joined the ranks of the pukers. This is potentially very dangerous because of his autonomic issues. Gavin's body exists in a very delicate balance and while he's been very stable in recent years, it doesn't take much to get his system out of balance. When this happens, he can go into an autonomic crisis and require admittance to the hospital. It's actually kinda scary. The kids were supposed to be at their moms tonight…

Things are not going so well in The Autism Dad household. As you know, the boys have been sick for about the last month. It began right before Thanksgiving. Elliott was sick with a upper respiratory infection that required 2 rounds of antibiotics and took over 2 weeks to recover from. Emmett started with something similar about a week or so after Elliott and is going on week 3. He still has a few days left of his antibiotics. On Wednesday, Elliott came home from a visit and spent the evening and most of the night puking. He was feeling better the next day and is back to normal today. About 6 PM this evening, Emmett started puking. He's absolutely miserable. Elliott wanted to be on the couch when he…

This is a bit 24 hours late but I wanted to get this out there anyway. It's been the longest week ever. Emmett was in crisis and still sick. He's doing a little better today. There are some medication adjustments that will begin today and hopefully, that will help him. Elliott spent the entire night puking. I'm pretty he's not actually sick but it's rather a combination of extreme anxiety and sinus drainage. It was a very long night but he finally fell asleep around 4 AM and woke up feeling a bit better this morning. He's currently crashed on the couch and trying to rest. My goal for today is to keep him hydrated and make sure he stays resting. I'm exhausted in ways I can't even begin to…

It's been a long night and I continue to be exhausted. I couldn't fall asleep until 3 AM. That's the last time I remember seeing before I woke up. Emmett was near me all night and while that may have contributed to my inability to sleep, it wasn't the only reason. Anyway, taking Emmett to therapy in a few minutes and his mom will meet us there as well. Akron Children's just called back and he will be seen there tomorrow morning. I'm not sure he will be returning to school this week, which would essentially mean he's done with school until after the holiday. Thankfully, the majority of this is covered or excused. OMG, I'm so tired right now but there's no time to rest. I'll be so grateful…