On January 4, 2019, my Grandfather passed away. I know many of you are aware that he'd been living with my parents for a while now. 2018 had been a pretty rough year for him. He's suffered multiple strokes and he lost much of his independence but he never lost his sense of humor. He was basically a mischievous child trapped in a 92 year olds body and we all loved him for it. My grandfather was a Marine, serving during World War II. He was incredibly proud of his service to our country and inspired some of his grandchildren to serve as well. Growing up, we lived about an hour or so apart but I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, especially during the summer. We were…

I've been thinking about how to describe the way I'm feeling and the only thing I can come up with is that I've had better days. I know that sounds pretty generic but its all I have at the moment. I'm not in a really good place and I'm struggling to sorta keep the ship righted. I'm completely exhausted both physically and emotionally. I didn't sleep last night and I can feel depression taking hold of me. There's too much happening all at once and I'm bogged down, no longer able to process things right now. All I want to do is shutdown for a little while but unfortunately, that's simply not an option. I have too many things that I have to figure out in the next couple of…

As a full-time caregiver, I'm really struggling at the moment and talking about it helps.

Lizze and the boys are in bed. I'm with my parents and siblings, sitting with my grandfather. This is fucking awful and it's so hard to bare witness to someone leaving this life. We sat the boys down and explained what was happening. They were able to visit with him but Emmett is taking it really hard. Elliott is internalizing everything at the moment but he will likely breakdown as soon as he let's his guard down. Gavin is completely obvious and unaffected. I took everyone home a couple hours ago and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I'll probably eventually go home but it doesn't feel right to do that. When my grandmother passed away fifteen years ago, Lizze and I left the hospital and didn't make…

I got up this morning and headed to my parents house to sit with my grandpa. It sucks watching someone slowly pass away but if I have to find a silver lining, it would be that I'm reconnecting with cousins I've not seen in a very long time. As awful as all of this is, it's brought all of us together. When my grandmother passed away, over ten years ago, we just sorta drifted apart. It was really nice to see everyone that I've not seen in a really long time. Anyway, the boys are with Lizze's parents for right now. Lizze is now home, trying to hide from all forms of light. Her migraine woke her up very early this morning and has been relentless today. I'm spending as…