It's going to be a chaotic week. On Tuesday Gavin sees his psychiatrist for a follow-up with his Clozapine. Wednesday is calling hours for my grandmother, and Thursday is her funeral. I'm not looking forward to most of this, but it's incredibly important that I not allow it to pull me under. Today is the first day in about a week that I should be able to go walking. I need to make that a priority, not only because I refuse to let a month go by where I don't reach my goal, but also it's something that helps me cope with stress. I definitely need all the help I can get in that area. Depression is no joke, and this is the kind of thing that has historically knocked…

I wanted to share a picture of one of my favorite moments over the last few months. The kids and I would stop by and have ice cream with my grandmother after school, almost every single day. She looked forward to it, and so did the kids. It was an extraordinary moment spent between my grandmother and her great grandkids. I'm so proud of my kids because they were very devoted to her and they each expressed it in a unique way. On Saturday morning, around 8 AM, my grandmother passed away. She was 94 years old. I've spent time with her every single day for the last few months. We were very close, and I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm broken.

I'm spending the day once again with my grandmother and various members of my family, as they sort of come through to visit. It's been a really long day, and I'm physically/emotionally exhausted. There's not a great deal of religion in my life, and that's by design. That being said, watching the priest perform last rites was really hard. I felt like I was going to get sick. I know it was important to my grandmother and my family, so I'm grateful the priest was able to make it out so quickly. There's been too much loss in the last six or right months. I know it's part of life and we all experience loss, but that doesn't make it any easier.

I spent the last 12 or 13 hours with my grandmother. I got home a little bit ago because the kids were getting freaked out that I was gone for so long. I'm going to try and grab a few hours of sleep before heading back. My Dad and uncle are staying with her tonight. If anything changes, they'll call me. I'm exhausted in all ways a human can be exhausted. I want to sleep for a few hours and then head back. It's important to me that I be there and Lizze is being a huge help. I'm so grateful for that.. I'm grateful for the time I'm getting with my grandmother. I'm heartbroken it's coming to an end, but I'm glad I've had the opportunity to go through…

I slept pretty good last night, but I had weird dreams. It's been a stressful week in a number of ways, and I've not really processed much of it. Some of the week's events have been hugely positive, like Lizze not needing surgery and Gavin making it through all his extensive testing. I even managed to get some projects completed. That's a good thing because that means food on the table and money for the bills. There's also been difficult moments, and those have weighed incredibly heavy. I'm spending as much time as I can with my grandmother, and I'm so grateful Lizze is in a place to allow me this opportunity. I'm really struggling with everything going on with my grandmother, and I feel like I desperately need to…