Depression Archives - Page 7 of 323

It’s been a difficult week and I just realized why

Milestones and anniversaries are things that I can sometimes get hung up on. I've talked about that before. I'm a bit sentimental. I realized why I've been having a tough week. The reality is there's a million reasons why I've been having a tough week but there was something that overshadowed everything. I know that it's silly but there are pivotal moments in my life that will forever hold meaning for me and this past week held one of the most important. September 3rd was my 17th wedding anniversary. Yes, I know divorce is outside of my control and has proven to ultimately be for the best, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I was aware of the date but was so overwhelmed with everything going on that…

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September 6, 2020

Today was full of accomplishments

Elliott had his first day back today and it went amazingly well. I say first day back because we moved both Elliott and Emmett back to their old school. They're remote learning instead of distance learning and the experience thus far has been night and day. Emmett is supposed to start Friday, September 4th but we're still waiting on some things to be processed. I'll call in the morning and see what's going on. Maybe he can still get started. The setup is very different than what we've been dealing with these past two weeks. Elliott remotely goes to school four days a week and Emmett will attend remotely, three days a week. The off days are for homework and extra help if needed. Elliott had a great day and…

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September 3, 2020

Confessions / My thoughts

A huge thank you and a birthday confession

Today has been a total roller coaster ride. I turned 42 years old today and it was a rough birthday for a million reasons. The last few days have been particularly difficult for me. The other night I had a very vivid dream. It was basically that my family was whole and that my marriage never imploded. It was just everyday life things. Kids went to school, I worked and we did all the normal things we used to do. It felt so real and it was one of those dreams where it's like you wake up in your dream and think you're actually awake. It's really weird. Anyway, it was such a good feeling and it honestly felt like all of this last year had just been a bad…

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August 25, 2020

Confessions / Depression Management / Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

Focusing on the positive helps me remember that #depression is lying to me

I'm very much in a darker place right now but I'm also refusing to give into depression. Fighting depression is an imperfect, uphill battle that's part of an invisible overarching war that I've been engaged in for most of my life. Part of my battle tactic is to force myself to focus on the positive things in my life. Depression tells me there's nothing positive but I know that's not true. There are three amazing little humans in my life and that's the most positive thing I can imagine. I'm going to share some pretty cool things my kids did today. Gavin's life is challenging for him but this kid never fucking gives up. This morning he was up before everyone else, which is normal for him. He focused on…

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August 24, 2020

Confessions / Depression Management / My thoughts

I can’t shake the #depression today

I can't really explain why but I'm struggling today. I'm feeling defeated and demoralized. Nothing happened outside of really bad dreams last night. Honestly, I think it's probably just a new battle with depression. By new I just mean a resurgence. There's a great deal of stress in my life right now and I'm getting overwhelmed by it all. I'm turning 42 years old on the 24th of August and I wish things in my life were different. I live in a bad neighborhood that I can't seem to get us out of. In 12 days, it would have been my 17th anniversary but instead, I find myself alone with my kids, as we try to survive a global pandemic. My kids are amazing and I love them completely. At…

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August 23, 2020

Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

I’ve been a single parent for exactly 1 year today and I have some thoughts

It's been one year since I became a single parent again. I've said before that I'm really weird with milestones and anniversaries because they mark moments in my life that were impactful for whatever reason. Maybe I'm too sentimental but it's just sorta the way I am. Everything in my life changed on August 10, 2019. I've been quite busy these last 365 days because the kids require the vast majority of my time and energy. Who am I kidding, they require more time and energy than I have on a good day. While none of this has been or likely will ever be easy, I've experienced a great deal of personal growth along the way. I'm learning a great deal about myself. What I deserve, what I don't deserve,…

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August 12, 2020

Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

My little victory over #depression and a gentle reminder to all of you

First of all, I really appreciate all the love and support. We're all in this together and I sometimes forget that. Thank you for the many reminders. ☺ I wanted to share a bit more about something I alluded to in the previous post (see here). Yesterday, Elliott did his daily can we go walking Dad. I wish I could take them whenever they wanted me to but the truth is, I honestly don't feel it's always safe. There are also times when I simply lack the motivation and energy. That's usually due complications related to my ongoing war with depression. Without fail, Elliott asked me to take them all to Quail Hollow, a park within driving distance from our house. It's one of our favorite places to visit during…

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August 9, 2020

Confessions / Depression Management / My thoughts

I’m losing interest in all the things I once enjoyed

It's been a pretty rough couple of days. Scratch that. It's been a pretty rough year. I'm feeling a great deal of pressure right now and it doesn't look to be getting better, anytime soon. I'm fact, it's likely to only get worse. School is getting closer and closer and I'm getting more and more nervous about this whole distance learning thing. I don't really worry so much about the kids because I believe they can totally handle this. I'm nervous that I won't be able to handle this. I've been working a lot the last few days but unfortunately, it's not translating into much financially, at the moment. That fact alone has me unable to sleep at night. I know that literally millions and millions of people are dealing…

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August 9, 2020