Depression Archives - Page 6 of 323

I’m trying to have a better day today

I'm feeling a little better after a halfway decent night's sleep. Emmett had a nightmare and burst into my room in the middle of the night. Once he glued himself to my arm, sleep went out the window. So far, my day is off to a good start. The house is relatively quiet and I'm watching the news for a little while. The boys and I went out for a short hike before dark yesterday. I mentioned that in the previous post. I know it was a more difficult one to read but trust me, it sucked equally as bad actually living it. What I wanted to do was pick things up a bit and share some of the pics from yesterday's nature outing. I really try to be positive…

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November 20, 2020

My thoughts

I’ve had a horrible day and I’m so over 2020

Today has been straight up, one of the most horrible days I've had in a long time. I'm so overwhelmed and feel like I'm drowning. Sometimes I feel like I'm totally broken and just can't put myself back together. I try so hard to be the best father I can be. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and that should be painfully obvious by now. If it's not, I don't know what to tell you. From a distance, it may look to other people in my situation, that I've got it all together but I promise I don't. There's never really been a time in my life that I haven't been able to rise the occasion. I may not always succeed but I'll be damned if I…

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November 19, 2020

Update: It’s been 234 days of #COVID lockdown so far

Life is getting a bit more challenging. For those who don't know, COVID is significantly worsening in Ohio. As of writing, we're a stone's throw away from 3,000 cases a day. There's a nursing home about a mile or so from my house with over 80 confirmed cases. It's really getting scary. My cars still in the shop and will be for a couple of weeks. That's a bit stressful because we truly are trapped at home. It's not like we would be going anywhere, especially since COVID is so bad locally, but looking out the window and seeing the car missing is an emotional blow. Maybe that doesn't make sense.. I've been insanely busy with work related things lately. I'm trying to get season 3 of the podcast finished…

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October 25, 2020

My thoughts

I feel so defeated tonight

Today is one of those days where I feel like I've crumbled under the weight of everything going on in my life. It's been one of those days where I feel utterly defeated and pretty much a failure. The kids have been struggling this weekend and I've not been able to make it better. I'm doing the best I can but it's not enough. I feel like my attention is divided too many times and I'm spread too thin. That shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone. There are projects around the house that need done and aren't getting any closer to completion. My car is currently in limbo because I'm fighting with insurance to cover all the damages and it's taking some time. The kids and I are struggling…

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October 12, 2020

Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

A long overdue, deeply personal update

It's been a little while since I've really talked about how I'm doing on a personal level. There's not really a reason for that I'm just a bit overwhelmed and when this happens, it's not as easy for me to write. That said, it's important that I do anyway because it's incredibly therapeutic for me to do so. For the most part, I think I'm doing pretty well. Could I be doing better? Of course I could. Could I be doing worse? You betcha.. I'm trying to manage a lot right now and it's not easy. The balance between work and family is quite challenging, especially when the kids are learning from home. I need to be working but they need guidance and support because remote learning is a very…

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October 9, 2020

Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

Therapy is helping me become better

I had therapy yesterday and I feel like I'm making progress. I'm the picture of imperfection and I'm the first to admit that but the last to forgive myself for it. This last year has been incredibly challenging for me and that came after the hardest six months of my life. Losing my last two grandparents was so hard and I hadn't yet found my footing when my marriage imploded for a second time. That began a journey I didn't ask to go one but it was something I had no control over. Ensuring the kids got through all this has been my number one priority and honestly, that came at my own expense. Then COVID hit and our lives were turned upside down once again, just like everyone else.…

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September 17, 2020

My thoughts

I’m so proud of myself for pushing through

I feel fricking amazing because I set out to tackle a project and I saw it through to completion. That's a big deal to me and I'm really proud of myself for pushing through my overwhelming desire to give up. Emmett helped me and I was able to teach him a little at the same time. I mentioned before that I wanted to conceal and manage all the wires, cables and everything else related to my podcasr that could be tucked away neatly. Yes, I realize the cables going into and out of the cloud lifter are incorrectly installed. It's fixed. ☺ The underside of my table now contains all wires and cables for my laptop, mixing board, cloud lifter, microphone, and power supplies. Everything is secured, organized and out…

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September 6, 2020

My thoughts

#Depression doesn’t play fair and neither can I when fighting back

Today I'm working on rebuilding my happy place. My happy place is my podcast studio, at least since COVID hit. I've decided that I need to put some intentional focus here because it's a place that helps me find calm and that's good for my mental health. My mental health has taken a few blows since lockdown. My project today is cable management. I know that sounds stupid but I hate, hate, hate seeing cables all over the place. Also, our cats have a thing for chewing on cables and some of these are very expense and some have power running through them. So while it's a nice to organize the chaos, it's also making things safer for the cats. Everything is torn apart at the moment I'm currently waiting…

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September 6, 2020