Depression Archives - Page 178 of 323

It’s going to be a guys weekend

Gavin's infusion finally finished, which is a good thing but the process has completely wiped him out. Currently, he's sleeping but I'm hoping he'll be up shortly. The boys and I are having a guys weekend because Lizze is on an out of town trip with her Mom. Everyone wants to go to the park and I'm totally game. With all the unexpected expenses over the last 30 days, I simply can't afford anything like going to a movie or taking them out to dinner. That's okay though because we're going to have fun regardless. I know the boys want to go Pokémon hunting and perhaps I'll let them do that while we go on a two mile walk. I'm super excited to have guy time with the boys. The…

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June 8, 2018

Gavin’s IVIG infusion is NOT going well today

Gavin's been undergoing his IVIG infusion for over five hours now and it's still not done. This is not a good thing because he's getting extremely anxious and understandably so. This usually comes down to needle placement and because there's only so many locations in his belly to place both needles and because there have been roughly 5,826 total needle sticks into his belly thus far, scar tissue is a problem. I suspect scar tissue is the leading cause of today's complications. As a result, what should take roughly an hour is dragging out into almost six hours. There's nothing we can do but let it run its course. The IVIG Infusions are absolutely crucial to Gavin's survival. We can't just write it off because it's taking too long. Hopefully,…

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June 8, 2018

My thoughts

I’m grateful for a decent night’s sleep

I slept really well last night. I feel like I'm in a much better place than I was when I went to bed. I'm still overwhelmed by everything going on and no amount of sleep is going to fix that. Acknowledging the reality of where I'm at isn't mean to be taken as a negative thing. I try very hard to live in reality, meaning when things are bad, I recognize that things are bad and don't try to spin things. For me personally, dealing with the reality of something, whether it be a positive or negative reality, helps me to maintain balance and perspective. I'm grateful for a decent night's sleep because I don't always get those and know many others out there don't either. I'm also grateful to…

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June 8, 2018

My thoughts

I’m giving up on today and hoping for better tomorrow

I feel like I'm completely drowning tonight. Nothing is going right and I'm absolutely crumbling under the pressure. I try very hard to remain positive and not give into dispair but dispair has won out tonight. I have nothing left and I give up. Hopefully, a decent night's sleep will help me find a better place by morning. Too many people are counting on me and letting them down is simply not an option. I have to figure things out and do better.

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June 7, 2018

My thoughts

I’m physically and emotionally depleted

It's been a crazy exhausting day and honestly, I'm ready to crash now. Gavin's been a handful today but the boys have been doing okay. When I say Gavin's been a handful, I mean he's been super forgetful, very easily frustrated and his level of functionality feels like it's hit rock bottom. Behaviorally, he not put of control at all. The problem is that I'm having to think for him and I'm too tired to think for myself at the moment. All that aside, I spent a few hours in the ER with my grandfather this afternoon. My Mom called and wanted me to come check him out to make sure everything was okay. I ended up calling 911 and he was rushed to the hospital. Thankfully, he's doing much…

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June 7, 2018

Gavin / My thoughts

It’s getting harder not to worry

I'm not sure what's going on with Gavin lately but he's sleeping a lot more during the day. Our initial thought is that it's medication related because the Clozapine can make him sleepy. What's sorta countering that theory is that Gavin was on 800mg per day for years and years. He was never really sleepy like this, even on that high of a dose. About a year or so ago, his dose was cut in half and he now takes 200mg in the morning and 200mg at night. There was no appreciable difference in sedation when the dose was lowered. Out of nowhere however, he's now having to take two naps a day. It seems odd that this now a problem when nothing has changed in well over a year.…

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June 7, 2018

Akron Children's Hospital / Cardiology / Gavin / My thoughts

Things have gotten so much more complicated

Before I go into anything, I want to begin by saying that Gavin's echocardiagram looks good. Everything appears to be normal and that's really, really good news. Gavin did really well with the testing and was very cooperative. He even tried to carry on conversations with the staff. It was sorta awkward and unrelated to anything that was happening but I love that he tries. ☺ The cardiologist and his staff were amazing. They took all the time they needed to be thorough and make sure we covered everything. You have to understand something about Gavin. He has an insanely long and incredibly complicated medical history. It's very difficult for anyone to sorta jump in this late in the game and hit the ground running. The title indicates that things…

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June 7, 2018

Akron Children's Hospital / Cardiology / Gavin / My thoughts

Returning to Cardiology at @AkronChildrens Hospital today

Gavin and I will be heading off to Akron Children's Hospital once again today. We were able to get an immediate appointment in cardiology and that's crazy fast. This is a very important follow-up in regards to Gavin possibly having Marfan Syndrome. We've been down this road before but the doctors at Akron were very concerned about how Gavin physically presented and wanted him to have an echocardiogram before we proceed with his scopes. I'm not sure he will get his echo today but we're seeing the cardiologist in order to figure out how to proceed. Gavin's not nervous because he doesn't understand what's going on but he knows there won't be any needles. The echo is noninvasive and he's had a few of them done already. We just need…

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June 6, 2018