Read more about the article I haven’t done this in forever but that needs to change
Hiking / My thoughts / Self-Care

I haven’t done this in forever but that needs to change

Yesterday I did something I haven't done in a long time. I went for a hike without my kids. I'm not sure why I don't do this more often. I do like time to myself, and I love being out in nature. Seems like I would be doing this every chance I get. Who knows. Anyway, my original plan was to take Happy to Quail Hollow but I ultimately decided that it was getting to be too late in the day and I wanted to do something a little closer. We ended up going to the Wellness Trail that the boys and I frequently visit when we don't feel like going to Cuyahoga Valley National Park. Elliott was at his girlfriends house. Emmett and Gavin were just chilling out at…

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September 11, 2022
Read more about the article He had a major meltdown this afternoon and I’m completely drained
My thoughts

He had a major meltdown this afternoon and I’m completely drained

It's been a frustrating week. I've been dealing with anxious kids, Gavin challenges, and now equipment issues with my podcast. I've been working on it today and couldn't get things working until almost midnight. Unfortunately, Friday's episode is going to be late as a result. I'm hoping to get it finished by shed up and out by end of the day Friday, or early Saturday at the latest. I want to end the week on a positive note, so I it's going to be a movie night with Gavin and Elliott. Emmett is spending the night at a friend's house. That's pretty exciting. He's stoked and I'm happy for him. The boys and I are going to watch The Man From Toronto for movie night. Gavin is actually pretty excited…

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July 28, 2022
Read more about the article #Depression can be different for everyone but this is how it impacts me
My thoughts

#Depression can be different for everyone but this is how it impacts me

I wanted to point something out about depression, at least as it applies to me. When I find myself in a darker place, I don't think I've ever had the urge to hurt myself, at least not that I can remember. When I'm struggling like I am, the struggle is not related to not wanting to live anymore. I struggle with things like getting out of bed, participating in life, focusing on the positive, getting to the gym, taking care of myself, sleeping, unhealthy eating, and a general loss of interest in many things I typically enjoy. Not everyone who's dealing with depression will struggle with suicidal thoughts. The reality is that we're all different and experience things in different ways. There are plenty of people who will struggle with…

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July 27, 2022
Read more about the article I’m so frustrated with myself
My thoughts

I’m so frustrated with myself

I'm getting ready to call it a night after a really long day. I had to get Elliott to work first thing and then begin tackling my ever growing to do list. It feels like I keep adding items and almost never end up checking them off. I pushed myself today and managed to get a few things done that should have been done a long time ago, in some cases, years ago. I'm so frustrated with myself because it absolutely should not have taken me this long. I don't know what else to say, aside from their done now. Both boys are registered for high school now and I only need to pick up Emmett's vaccine records from the doctors office, to be done with his additional paperwork. I…

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July 25, 2022
Read more about the article I’m trying to focus on doing better
My thoughts

I’m trying to focus on doing better

Today was pretty rough. I spent a good chunk of it sleeping. It's been body aches, headaches, nausea, cold sweats, and of course, my personal favorite, extreme exhaustion. I haven't eaten much today and I've been trying to stay hydrated as best I can. I ended up mowing the lawn this evening and I definitely regret that decision. It was so hot but the yard was only going to get longer. It's supposed to storm tonight and I wanted to try and push myself to get it done. Not one of my better decisions, if I'm being honest. Emmett and I also took the dogs around the block a couple of times before I called it quits for the day. It wasn't a super long walk but I want to…

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July 21, 2022
Read more about the article It’s not my responsibility to make sure that other people do their job
My thoughts / Navigating Divorce

It’s not my responsibility to make sure that other people do their job

I'm starting to feel kinda miserable. It's been about 14 hours since my second booster and I'm definitely feeling it. I don't mind the sore arm, and headache, but the exhaustion is the worst. I was already exhausted and now I'm even more so. I crashed for a couple hours before dinner because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Despite how I'm feeling, I did manage to make progress in regards to Gavin's social security name change. I was able to get a certified copy of his adoption paperwork, as well as, his birth certificate. I just need to finish filling out the paperwork and then drop it off at the local social security office. They've assured me that they will take it from there. I'm going to assume…

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July 20, 2022
Read more about the article The next few days are gonna suck but it’s worth it
My thoughts

The next few days are gonna suck but it’s worth it

I have a few minutes before I head out to get my second COVID booster. Elliott got off to work without a problem and I'm hoping that this round of side effects doesn't hit me too hard. Gavin is going to be scheduled for his as well but not today. Covid is getting bad again and the best weapon I have to keep my loved ones safe if the vaccine. I feel good about getting my forth dose and I'm not worried about it. I'll be fine after a few days and my schedule is pretty light this week, so it works out. I have a meeting this morning and should be able to crash after that if need be. My goal today is to make further progress on Gavin's…

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July 19, 2022
Read more about the article We had a really bad night
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My thoughts

We had a really bad night

It's 3am and I'm still awake because the boys are struggling after a brief visit with their mom. Elliott managed to fall asleep, but Emmett had a nightmare, and refuses to go back to bed for fear it's going to happen again. Then of course, there's Gavin. Poor Gavin had a particularly bad night. He came home and immersed himself in video games. That's not unusual for him but tonight he became frustrated, punched his phone, and shattered the screen. He became so angry with himself and it just spiraled from there. He went from being upset about the same things his brothers were upset about some things that to raging about how angry he is was me for destroying his life. He actually used those words. In the almost…

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July 18, 2022