It’s called irrational guilt for a reason

I'm feeling quite overwhelmed, frustrated, and guilty today. I'm really trying to remain positive, but I need to replace our car in the worst way. We have four or five trips to the Cleveland Clinic before the end of the month alone, and I'm not wanting to keep pushing the car to go on these trips. We're having lots of electrical issues on top of all the mechanical and physical problems already present. It's frustrating because I try so hard to make everything work and while things could be much worse than they currently are, I can't seem to get us to a better place. I'm really trying to focus on writing, building partnerships and inking new as deals, so I can provide for my family in a more meaningful…

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Today’s Victory: Packed in the car like sardines

I'm my very first Today's Victory post in a while; I want to celebrate my kids. My life is indeed difficult, and my kids are challenging to say the least. At the same time, they're amazing, brilliant, kind, compassionate, loving, and they never cease to amaze me. We had a roller coaster kinda day today. Lizze had an unexpected visit to the dentist because she thought she broke a tooth. Fortunately, it was just a broken filling, and it's all fixed. That in and of itself is something to be grateful for. 😊 Having said that, I'm choosing to celebrate how well the kids did in the car, while we waited for Lizze to be seen by the dentist. None of the kids had planned on having to go anywhere…

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Remembering to focus on the positive

I used to do something called Today's Victory. It's basically where I close the day off by focusing on something positive from our day. Over the years, I sorta forgot about it, and much of that was due to my ongoing war with depression. It was harder for me to find the positive. Self-care isn't just about taking care of your physical health but also taking care of your emotional health as well. One of the reasons I pushed so hard to focus on the positive is because when I did that, I was better able to combat the overwhelming sense of despair I was feeling. Being an Autism Dad is not easy. It's not. Despair has a way of creeping up and taking root without really making its presence…

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His #IVIG infusion was a disaster this morning and here’s why

Gavin's been having a difficult morning so far. It was IVIG infusion day again (as it is every Monday and Friday), and it did not go well. Lately, Gavin likes Lizze to place the needles in his belly because they don't often leak when she does it. Lizze and I are both concerned that Gavin isn't doing his own infusions anymore. It's imperative that he be able to perform these infusions on his own. Anyway, Lizze was going to help him as soon as she was done eating, but he either misunderstood or wasn't listening cause he went off and did it himself. Unfortunately, both needle placements failed and were leaking. That always pisses him off, and it's understandable. This means he has to be re-stuck, and that means more…

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The dangerously high heat is upon us

We're currently in the path of dangerously hot weather. The heat index is supposed to approach 110ยฐF today and tomorrow. We plan to hunker down and remain grateful we have central air. I was able to hit the grocery store yesterday, and while we do have a doctors appointment in about an hour, we don't have any other plans at this point. Please stay cool. Please stay safe if you're in the path of this excessive heat. Hydration is crucial.

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We are celebrating a pretty awesome victory tonight

I wanted to drop a quick line and update everyone on how Gavin did today. I've been talking recently about how Gavin is struggling with his temper or rather controlling it. He's got a very, very short fuse on a good day and no fuse on most others. He's been getting violent and aggressive when something doesn't go the way he expects it to. The past few days have been very challenging because he's exploded on more than a few occasions, and that creates stress for everyone. Most of Gavin's life was spent bouncing from one violent, self-injurious meltdown to another. All of us have been traumatized by Gavin's behaviors over the years, but he's been doing so much better as he's gotten older. Part of the issue with this…

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Last night sucked but I feel pretty good today

I slept well last night, and while I got off to a late start, I went walking before 9 AM. I wanted to get this done before the dangerously hot weather kicked in. Self-care is so important for a caregiver to focus on, and I want to not only be there for my family, but I also want to be a good example to my readers as well. In other news, it's Lizze's birthday today. She's not feeling well but is in an excellent mood, and that's awesome. ☺ Last night we had her special dinner because she was feeling good and we wanted her to be able to enjoy her birthday dinner. Tonight, it's going to be cake and ice cream. We're still working on the birthday present front…

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His explosive temper is a major problem

We're becoming more and more concerned about Gavin's explosive temper. It doesn't take much to light his very, very short fuse. The end result is loud, aggressive, and violent. He had another blowout at therapy tonight, and it took considerable effort to get him calmed down. We spent some time listening to Gavin, tell us about his missions. It was confusing and difficult to follow. Afterward is when the trouble began. Essentially what happened was that everyone was joking around. Lizze and I were talking with Dr. Pattie, while the kids were playing. There was a disagreement over what they were going to play, and Gavin lost it. Emmett was upset because Gavin didn't want to play monkey in the middle like they have been recent. He made up a…

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