Lizze is home sick with Elliott, who's still sick. Gavin and I are in the waiting room at Dr. Reynolds office. I'm so nervous about this appointment because I know what we're looking at and neither option is good. Gavin's chillin on the couch playing his tablet as he's waiting and I'm trying not to puke all over the floor. My anxiety is so high over this that I'm sick to my stomach. I want so badly for this to be over with and resolved. Gavin deserves to be safe, happy and healthy.

The doctors office called this morning with Gavin's lab results and they were correct the first time. All his numbers are down and it's not looking good. Please keep Gavin in your thoughts and prayers. Maybe keep Lizze and I in there as well because we have some very difficult decisions to make this afternoon. Trying to stay positive.

It's been the longest day ever. I've been waiting for the phone call to deliver the news about Gavin's lab results but that call never came. Unfortunately, this isn't one of those no news is good kinda things. This is one of those the lab didn't fax the results or the doctor just didn't call kinda things. We'll know this afternoon for sure but the wait is killing me. I need to know what's going on with Gavin and not knowing is killing me.

I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor in regards to Gavin's lab results. The only way I can explain how excruciating this wait is for would be to relate it to a young child on Christmas Eve. Maybe that's a bad example. It's not the excitement but rather the extreme anxiety of knowing it's coming but having to wait. I swear to God I age five years each time something like this happens. 🙁 I'm trying to remain positive because it could very well be temporary good news. I just have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and I can't seem to shake it.

I received a phone call this morning from Dr. Reynolds office. I assumed they were calling to move our appointment again but I was wrong. Apparently, Gavin's labs from yesterday came in and his numbers are dropping again. Right before we left for Florida, he had labs drawn. His Absolute Neutrophil was 3 and his White Cell count was 5 at the time. Unfortunately, his labs from yesterday show a sharp drop. His Absolute Neutrophil is 2 and his White Cell count is 3. This means one of four things: The Clozapine has nothing to do with this. The Clozapine is causing this and he's going to have to completely detoxed from it to know for sure. The Clozapine may had caused permanent damage. This is part of CVID and…