Well, today isn't going quite as planned but nothing in our life ever rally does and that's okay. The boys got off to school okay but I was too tired to go walking. Emmett had another nightmare and I ended up on the couch, barely getting any sleep. My Mom was going to hangout with Gavin, so Lizze and I could go to Chipotle for lunch but Lizze isn't feeling well. Even if she was, Gavin's not in a good place today and sending him anywhere would be irresponsible for a couple of reasons. He's being very difficult and has been having meltdowns since he finished his IVIG infusion. The poor kid is really stressed out and we're beating our heads into the wall trying to understand why. Lizze is…

The moment I've been dreading has arrived. I'm 40 years old. I've now been alive for four decades. I'm not sure how I feel about this but at the same time, it doesn't appear to be the end of the world either. I thought it might be interesting see how this Autism Dad, celebrates his birthday. It's different than most but different isn't always a bad thing. We don't really have anything crazy planned and I'm okay with that. All I really wanted to do was get a Chipotle burrito but I promised Emmett we would do Hungry Howies pizza instead. He has a coupon for a free personal pizza he hasn't been able to use yet and he was really upset about that the other day. I promised him…

I wanted to share something I thought was pretty cool. I get that it's a total coincidence but at the same time, I found it comforting and sorta symbolic. As I was leaving the therapist last night, I had just finished revisiting one of the most painful moments of my life. It involved a call I was on during my time as a medic. As a relatively seasoned or experienced medic, I saw lots of things that most people can only imagine. I had to sorta become callus to death in order to protect myself. It was the calls involving children, especially in horrific circumstances that my brain simply couldn't process and my heart couldn't bare. Anyway, that topic was one of the things that came up last night. I…

I've never been a huge fan of talking to some about my problems. It's not because I'm too uncomfortable do it, it's more that I tend to work through these things on my own. It's just sorta the way my brain works. Having said that, there are people I can talk to if I need and last night I needed to. I met with our family therapist on my own last night and talked about everything that's got me stressed out surrounding my 40th birthday. I didn't realize how much I have rolling around in my head. Some if it's new-ish and some of it has been there a very long time. There are things that date back to my fire/medic days and things that are related to fears over…

My morning plans are shot because I don't feel well and I'm heading back to bed. I'm really hoping to feel better in a couple of hours but right now, I'm not doing so well.