Focusing on the positive helps me remember that #depression is lying to me

I'm very much in a darker place right now but I'm also refusing to give into depression. Fighting depression is an imperfect, uphill battle that's part of an invisible overarching war that I've been engaged in for most of my life. Part of my battle tactic is to force myself to focus on the positive things in my life. Depression tells me there's nothing positive but I know that's not true. There are three amazing little humans in my life and that's the most positive thing I can imagine. I'm going to share some pretty cool things my kids did today. Gavin's life is challenging for him but this kid never fucking gives up. This morning he was up before everyone else, which is normal for him. He focused on…

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We persevered this week

It's been a crazy stressful week but I'm so proud of how we persevered. The boys ultimately made it through their first week of distance learning and even exceeded their hours for the week. Their experience has been improving and while Elliott is still having technical issues, Emmett seems to be experiencing fewer. For the most part, we tried keeping to their previous school schedule but it didn't always work. What I've found was that giving the boys a little freedom over how their day is managed, seems to motivate them. Obviously, I can't let them loose but if they start at 10am instead of 9am, who cares. As long as they complete their work, that's all that matters. One of the coolest things about distance learning is that if…

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It’s been a really shitty week and I’m down but not out

This week has been pretty rough, and that's by our standards. Thus far school has been a technical frustration for the boys and they're quickly forming an opinion that will be difficult to work through. The boys are very turned off to school at this point and there are only so many battles I can pick right now. I need this to work. Admittedly, I'm really frustrated with it myself and have questioned whether or not we chose the right school. I will say that the school staff seems really cool. I've spent a good bit of time on the phone with various teachers and administrators this week. Everyone is super nice and wanting the boys to have the best experience possible. These technical issues will hopefully be resolved in…

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Emmett finally got into his first live lesson

I'm not gonna lie. Distance learning has not been a positive experience thus far, but today is a new day. Elliott and Emmett are back at it and giving it yet another shake. Thus far, Elliott's been met with more frustration and technical issues but Emmett seems to be doing pretty good. He's currently in his first live lesson. They haven't been working but he was able to login today. Fingers crossed. So far so good for Mr. Emmett. Elliott was only able to get some of his work done because the rest wouldn't load. The plan is to try again in a couple of hours. The school sent a message saying that due to all the problems, the next 2 weeks will not count against the kids. We're using…

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Day 2 of Distance Learning Has Been A Nightmare

We just finished up the 2nd day of distance learning and it's been a disaster. The school appears to be over capacity and struggling to meet the demand. Yesterday was full of connectivity issues and today has been the same. We are getting messages that too many kids are trying to log in to the same live lesson and therefore Emmett was unable to gain access. Elliott tried to do his live session but the audio went out and the video kept freezing. I totally get that things happen and that they may be able to get these issues fixed. I get that. My concern is that autistic kids tend to generalize and their very first experiences with distance learning have been negative and frustrating. I'll be honest and say…

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I haven’t figured out how to approach all of this

I'm going to be splitting my focus this week between work and getting the kids ready to begin school next week. I have an interview first thing this morning and then a business meeting in the afternoon. After that, I'm working with the boys to help them get organized and prepped for school to begin next Monday. There are a few phone calls I need to make to the school to figure out some of the logistics that I have questions about. I need to look at a new desk for the boys as well. We have one but I'd like for each of the boys to have their own setup. I haven't figured out how to approach all of this just yet. There are a few things that I'll…

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Distance learning for the first time is pretty f*cking scary

School is getting closer and closer and I'm getting nervous. We will be distance learning for the first time because there isn't a snowballs chance in hell that I would put my kids in a classroom right now. I know it's the right thing to do but I'm questioning whether I'm the right person for the job. Unfortunately, I'm the only person for the job, so I don't really have a choice. Everyone is stressed out and lockdown is continuing to take its toll. The house setup is not really conducive to distance learning and I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. Using the dining room table is probably the easiest solution but the boys may end up distracting each other if I don't separate them. Ideally, they'd…

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