We made it through the day without any casualties. Therapy went well and everyone got some one on one time with their therapist. I kept the others occupied with a game of horse. It was a lot of fun and I'm glad we had those moments. ☺ There are a few concerns that I wanted to talk about but I'll do that in a follow up post later. The kids in general are resistant to talking about the separation. There's a large part of them that believes that she's coming back because that's what she did last time. Unfortunately, it's not going to happen. They're holding on to hope where there isn't any. That's probably pretty normal for any kid. Kids with Autism, however, tend to generalize and that's playing…

Today marks the sixteenth and final year of my marriage. What was once a cause for celebration is now so painful I can hardly take it. I'm full of emotions right now and I don't know what to do. It's very difficult for me exist today because everything I've known is coming to an end. Accepting the end of things is not easy and it's going to take some time but I'm trying to focus on the idea of new beginnings. Sometimes things come to an end and we don't understand why. Sometimes we may never understand why and we have to move on anyway. I'm trying really hard to focus on the positives right now but but I'm struggling to embrace them. As hard as this is for me…

I have a couple of short-term goals in regards to rebuilding our lives. I, of course, also have long-term goals as well but for now, I'm not in a place that I'm really focusing on them. The Kids The single most important goal I have is to get my kids through this. That means helping them establish a footing in this new world they've found themselves in. I think it's important that we establish solid routines and that I provide a more ridged structure for them. Autistic kids thrive on routine and structure, because it's predictable. I have goals for each of the kids that are unique to each one of them. Just as an example: Emmett hasn't slept in his own bed since August 10th. I don't mind him…

I made it through what I thought was going to be a difficult night. I'm so glad the kids can go visit their mom but at the same time, I hate that any of this is even necessary in the first place. I don't know what to do without them. I'm almost never alone and haven't been for damn near twenty years. All of a sudden I find myself with no one around me and it's uncomfortable. Maybe that sounds weird. Having said that, I feel like I had a pretty good night. I ordered a pizza and watched a couple of movies. I did some work around the house before calling it a night. My brain still can't wrap itself around everything that's happened. I understand as much as…

Well, the kids are visiting their mom tonight. I still can't believe those words are even coming out of my mouth, but they are. I have so many mixed feelings about this but I'm definitely happy that the kids are seeing their mom. That's so important to me and I will go to the ends of the Earth to support that. On the other hand, I'm heartbroken and lonely. Right after they left, I cut the grass for the first time in weeks. I honestly didn't care about the yard for awhile but poor Ruby disappeared into the grass and we couldn't see her anymore. It was time and I forced myself to get it done. It was a battle but I fought the lawn and I won. ☺ With…