Today has not gone as planned. Elliott didn't sleep well at all last night and was beyind exhausted and not feeling well this morning. Emmett was up on and off with nightmares as well. That means that I got a really shitty night's sleep myself. Elliott was unable to make it to school this morning which sorta changes my calculus for the day. In fact, he was so exhausted, he did wake up until about 1PM. Even at that point he looked like death warmed over. I did make further progress with Emmett and home instruction. I was able to get the signed copy of the letter to the school and I should be hearing back from the principal in short order. The kids were supposed to see their mom…

We had a frustrating therapy session tonight. The boys are very frustrated about certain things that I can't help them with. They will talk to me about what's bothing them because A) they trust me, and B) because I'm there in the moment when they need to talk. Outside of those moments, they do not want to talk about what's bothering them and instead internalize it. This is a very frustrating because the things that are upsetting them, I can't do anything about. They live in a very black and white world and tend to view things through that lens, especially when those things are emotionally charged. They feel like once they tell me, their job is done and I can pass it along to the therapist. While that's true,…

As a family, we had a pretty decent day. There was no real excitement and that's the kind of day I like to have whenever possible. Gavin had his IVIG Infusion, while I got some work done and the E's played the Xbox together. There was no fighting the entire day and I can't remember when the last time that happened. I've been very focused on the arrangements needed for our upcoming trip. I'm getting really nervous about this because I'm on my own and won't have any help. On many occasions, I find myself struggling at home, and the idea of taking the kids on a 2,200 mile+ cross country drive makes me wonder if I've lost my mind. The reality is that I question my abilities all the…

We had a pretty good day. The kids arrived home from their mom and grandparents house around noon, and we had a quiet afternoon. Gavin decided he wanted pizza and chicken for his birthday dinner. We're not actually celebrating his birthday until Sunday but we always do a special dinner on the actual day. We started that tradition because there were times in the past where money was so tight, ordering dinner wasn't easy. On birthdays, we wanted the kids to have something special, something that we couldn't do very often. Anyway, I ordered Gavin's dinner and we watched  Impractical Jokers. It was a nice evening. Tomorrow, we're going bowling and out to dinner with family. It's kind of a unique way to celebrate his birthday. There's no school on…

The boys are gone and I have a really quiet evening. I took my nap and finished season one of Guardians of The Glades before getting some work done. I'm still finishing up the next podcast episode and I'm not sure when it will release. Probably next week. I really want to get a few episodes in the tank, especially with our pending trip coming up. I need to book a few more interviews and go from there. It was important to me that I release the first two episodes of the season because they dealt with vaccines and vaccine preventable diseases. I wanted to bring everyone the facts from professionals in the medical field. I'm really struggling to find a better balance in my life. I have so many…

The boys are gone for the night and I can just sorta exhale for a bit. I absolutely love my kids but it's so hard to see them hurting all the time. It eats away at me and it's tough to deal with. I just finished a 3.5 mile walk with my Mom and I think I'll get a nap in before getting some recording done for the podcast. I'm really tired and it's freezing in the house for some reason. The thermostat reads 68°F but it doesn't feel like that. I'm gonna crawl into my nice warm bed for a little while and recharge. It's just me and Ruby. The house is quite and I haven't heard gunshots in a while. ☺ The kids will be home around noon…