My thoughts Archives - Page 74 of 1481

No Regrets: Trading One Dream For Another

I wanted to share something that happened recently. There's so much going on that sorta drowns out moments like these. The other day, Elliott was digging through some drawers and he found a very special piece of my past. I don't talk about it much because it doesn't really matter anymore and truthfully, it sometimes makes me sad to remember all I gave up. The picture above shows my old uniform shirt from when I was a fire medic. I haven't seen it in I don't know how long. For those that don't know, when I met my soon to be ex-wife (I fucking hate saying that but I don't know how else to say it anymore), I was just finishing up medic school and already working at the fire…

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April 30, 2020

Lockdown is becoming more and more challenging

I'm so burned out today. I did an interview this afternoon with St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital and I was a bit nervous about that. I think it went well and I should have that for you all in a couple of weeks, maybe soon. It all depends on how I manage the schedule. We're on day 52 of lockdown and it's fair to say that it getting to all of us at this point. I tried getting the kids to leave the house and while Elliott and Emmett were on board, Gavin flat out refused. We're in a situation where we all go or no one goes. There is no chance that I would leave Gavin home alone, unmedicated and in the middle of a global pandemic. I don't…

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April 28, 2020

Gavin / My thoughts

A heartbreaking conversation with my oldest

Gavin had a very emotional breakdown again tonight. He's been generalizing things more so than usual and while many times, it's not a big deal, sometimes it needs to be corrected. We were discussing a situation with his meds that was only problematic because he was making assumptions that were not based on fact or in reality. Anyway, he became very emotional and the conversation took a very unexpected turn. He began talking about his former high school friends and how much he missed them. That led to telling me that he wishes he had earned his high school diploma. It went from there to wanting to go to college, so he could figure out what he wants to do with his life, so he could buy his own house.…

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April 27, 2020

COVID19 / Lockdown / My thoughts

What I’ve learned after 50 days of #COVID19 lockdown

The boys and I have been on lockdown for a total of 50 days today. When you think about that, it's crazy. 50 days of not going anywhere and not having contact with anyone outside of ourselves. I feel Ike this is a pretty big milestone and we should recognize that. It's not uncommon for me to beat myself up for my shortcomings, of which I feel there are many. Things are challenging and I believe I should be doing better. I can't tell you how many times I feel like I'm failing my kids. Those feeling will probably always be there, at least to some degree. The truth is, my job is difficult and the reality is, all things considered, I'm sorta kicking ass. It's not perfect because I'm…

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April 25, 2020

My thoughts

A long overdue update and a big thank you to @tamronhall and @hollyrpeete

It's been a really long week and I'm unbelievably stressed out. My chest is feeling heavy and I can't seem to relax. The boys have been at each other's throats and Gavin has been freaking out for the last couple of days. The noise is really starting to get to me. The kids are struggling with lockdown and while it's a necessary evil for the foreseeable future, it's getting harder and harder to get through the day. My kids hate, and I mean hate change. This has proven to be much more change than they're able to cope with. It's really getting to be much harder as time goes on because everyone's patience and tolerance is wearing thin. Gavin is finally off the Clozapine and has been for a few…

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April 25, 2020

COVID19 / Lockdown / My thoughts

#COVID19 Lockdown: Day 44

I'm happy to share that we had a pretty decent day. Nothing spectacularly amazing took place but neither did anything catestrophic. Considering we're on day 44 of COVID19 lockdown, I'm counting that as a win. Gavin's having some issues with his temper but nothing too concerning at this point. It's notable because it's likely related to his medication changes. It's more that he's easily frustrated right now and truthfully, there are many factors at play, including lockdown. I have a very, very busy week ahead of me. Obviously I don't have any appointments outside the home but I have five Zoom meeting in the next four days and likey a few more that aren't yet finalized. It looks like I'll be on TV again this week and once I have…

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April 20, 2020

COVID19 / Inspirational Posts / Lockdown / My thoughts

My kids deserve the best version of me

If I rated my sleep last night on a scale of 1 to 10, it would probably be a 4. I've had better but I've also had worse. I didn't get to bed until well after midnight and that is something I'm trying very hard to correct because I need to take better care of myself. Self-care is so important and yet it's so hard to practice. I've spoken about self-care countless times over the years and I'll continue to do so moving forward. It's just that important. Right now, the COVID19 lockdown has everyone in the country on edge. The stress level across the board is palpable. That level of stress increases exponentially when you're an Autism or Special Needs parent. It increases exponentially if you have a loved…

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April 19, 2020

COVID19 / Lockdown / My thoughts

Day 42: We’re still here

We're on day 42 of total COVID19 lockdown and I don't know, does that count as some kind of milestone? It probably should. 😂 It's been a pretty interesting day. The kids are holding it together and that's amazing. We're not without our challenges but it could absolutely be worse, at least in this exact moment. Gavin's IVIG Infusion supplies arrived this afternoon and that's always a big relief to get his new shipments. It especially stressful right now and having these show up on time means I can check them off my list of things I need to worry about. We should be having a relatively quiet weekend and I could really use a break from any unnecessary stress. I'm trying very hard to find a few moments throughout…

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April 18, 2020