It's been a emotionally challenging day for me. There are a million reasons for this and to be completely honest, it got the better of me for a little while. I'm overloaded and that tends to feed my uninvited houseguest called depression. I was able to keep my struggle from the kids, which I'm quite proud of. I don't want them dealing with anymore grown-up issues than they have to. Having said all that, I've had some time to think and further process all the challenges I'm struggling with. Once I was able to think logically again, I realized that I truly believe everything is going to be okay. I'm not suggesting life is going to be easy but I know that all of these obstacles will be overcome and…

The boys came home this afternoon. I picked them up about 2pm. I surprised them by bringing Ruby along, which I would immediately regret. We'll just say she's a nervous traveler and leave it at that. She was happy to see the boys and they were thrilled to see her. She was excited to see Lizze as well. I was hoping that Ruby being there would help to smooth out the transition and it worked, until we got home. It's been a challenging day as the kids begin adjusting to being home. They're glad to be back but they miss their mom. We haven't discussed a future visit yet but at this point, it might not be for awhile. The pandemic is getting worse and we agreed that if/when that…

I fully intended to publish this last night and I didn't. The boys are already at their moms and I'm publishing this now because better late than never. ☺ The boys are so excited because they are seeing their mom in the morning. I'm dropping them off and picking them back up on Sunday. They've been packed for 2 days and all I need to do is pack their meds in the morning. I'm excited for them but at the same time, this makes me very nervous. I've kept them safe because I've carefully controlled our world since the onset of COVID19. Turning that care over to anyone else introduces unknowns and that makes me uncomfortable. It's nothing to do with their mom. I would feel this way with my…

I know that I talk about the bad days quite a bit and that can be depressing to read. There are so many factors that go into writing about my experience and generally, I err on the side of transparency. My intention is not to be depressing but rather to be open about my Depression. Depression plays a role in literally every single part of my life and it's not easy to manage. Being a special needs parent is very challenging. Being a single special needs parent is even more so. When it comes to the challenge, things like autism and fragile health definitely complicate things. The truth is, my own mental health directly impacts how I'm able to cope with stress and rise to the occasion. I feel very…

The kids are incredibly anxious today. If you're familiar with autism in young children, you know how difficult anxiety can be for them to cope with. The kids are still on edge from this weekends firework assault on our neighborhood. They're also anxious because they're so excited about seeing their mom on Friday. Factor in all the lockdown insanity on top of that and you have a difficult situation to manage. I'm living downtown there right now. It's almost 100°F so time outside isn't advisable right now. We have been working together to straighten the house but frankly, everyone is climbing the walls. There's not a lot I can do at the moment but I figure making good use of the time is important and makes sense. We have some…

I hope you all had a fabulous holiday weekend. I'm exhausted and going to bed but I wanted to share with you all how our weekend went. If you follow me on Twitter, you probably already have already see this. Rather than go through the crazy story all over again, I though I would just embed the Twitter thread that explains everything. I'm also embed 2 YouTube videos as well. This was shot from my living room. We've not had a good weekend and this week is going to be full of challenges that I neither need or planned on. Here you go. Here's everything in a single thread. It was like a literal warzone in front of my house last night. The #fireworks were unbelievable. The YouTube clip below…

I had one of my award winning parenting fails today and I'm not thrilled with myself. Essentially, I lost my patience with Gavin. It's more that I lost my patience with some of his behaviors, more specifically, the way he was reacting to things. For whatever reason, Gavin frightens very easily and when he's startled he screams at the top of his lungs. This is a newer behavior and I think it's been since lockdown. Anyway, one of the things that happens alot now is he startles from the most benign things and reacts in a way that's so over the top. It screams drama and doesn't feel genuine. That doesn't mean that it isn't genuine, it just feels like drama. I fully understand that kids on the spectrum can…

Sleep last night was pretty shitty. I think I squeezed in about 3 or 4 hours of restless sleep before giving up. Poor Elliott is struggling to sleep as well. Sleep can be a fickle beast to tame and with everything going on right now, it's even....fickler? More fickle? I don't know, but you get the point. I think part of Elliott's problem is that he so anxious about seeing his mom next week. It's going to be like Christmas Eve level excitement for the next week or so. It's going to make the next seven or eight days a bit more challenging but it's totally understandable. I have no interview today, as it's been rescheduled, so I'll be able to focus on prepping for tomorrow's interview instead. A quiet…