It's been a few days or maybe a bit more than that but I'm back and ready to move forward. I wanted to explain what happened that kept me away for the last few days because it was nothing serious. As you may or may not know, I run my own dedicated server for this site. It's been this way for years. Yes, it's expensive but I basically outgrew everything else and this was the best approach. The site more than pays for itself, so it's not a financial issue. Anyway, my server software was out of date and the only way to upgrade at this point was to completely reimage the server with the updated software. Unfortunately, that's not something I can do from my end. That meant completely…

I've had a pretty decent week. There were some challenges but overall, it's been okay. In fact, there were some very positive moments that helped me get through the not so positive moments. The kids are doing well but the pandemic is really beginning to wear them down. We've been trying to get out into nature at least a few times a week. I felt that we were pretty safe until recently. As COVID-19 is worsening in Ohio and it's crystal clear that most people simply refuse to wear a mask. With more and more people venturing out, it's becoming harder and harder to avoid contact. Our last trip to Quail Hollow was very concerning and as much as I hate to do this, we're going to have to limit…

It's been a emotionally challenging day for me. There are a million reasons for this and to be completely honest, it got the better of me for a little while. I'm overloaded and that tends to feed my uninvited houseguest called depression. I was able to keep my struggle from the kids, which I'm quite proud of. I don't want them dealing with anymore grown-up issues than they have to. Having said all that, I've had some time to think and further process all the challenges I'm struggling with. Once I was able to think logically again, I realized that I truly believe everything is going to be okay. I'm not suggesting life is going to be easy but I know that all of these obstacles will be overcome and…

The boys came home this afternoon. I picked them up about 2pm. I surprised them by bringing Ruby along, which I would immediately regret. We'll just say she's a nervous traveler and leave it at that. She was happy to see the boys and they were thrilled to see her. She was excited to see Lizze as well. I was hoping that Ruby being there would help to smooth out the transition and it worked, until we got home. It's been a challenging day as the kids begin adjusting to being home. They're glad to be back but they miss their mom. We haven't discussed a future visit yet but at this point, it might not be for awhile. The pandemic is getting worse and we agreed that if/when that…

I fully intended to publish this last night and I didn't. The boys are already at their moms and I'm publishing this now because better late than never. ☺ The boys are so excited because they are seeing their mom in the morning. I'm dropping them off and picking them back up on Sunday. They've been packed for 2 days and all I need to do is pack their meds in the morning. I'm excited for them but at the same time, this makes me very nervous. I've kept them safe because I've carefully controlled our world since the onset of COVID19. Turning that care over to anyone else introduces unknowns and that makes me uncomfortable. It's nothing to do with their mom. I would feel this way with my…

I know that I talk about the bad days quite a bit and that can be depressing to read. There are so many factors that go into writing about my experience and generally, I err on the side of transparency. My intention is not to be depressing but rather to be open about my Depression. Depression plays a role in literally every single part of my life and it's not easy to manage. Being a special needs parent is very challenging. Being a single special needs parent is even more so. When it comes to the challenge, things like autism and fragile health definitely complicate things. The truth is, my own mental health directly impacts how I'm able to cope with stress and rise to the occasion. I feel very…

The kids are incredibly anxious today. If you're familiar with autism in young children, you know how difficult anxiety can be for them to cope with. The kids are still on edge from this weekends firework assault on our neighborhood. They're also anxious because they're so excited about seeing their mom on Friday. Factor in all the lockdown insanity on top of that and you have a difficult situation to manage. I'm living downtown there right now. It's almost 100°F so time outside isn't advisable right now. We have been working together to straighten the house but frankly, everyone is climbing the walls. There's not a lot I can do at the moment but I figure making good use of the time is important and makes sense. We have some…