My thoughts Archives - Page 42 of 1481

A child trapped in a man’s body

My kids are driving me bonkers today. They're fighting with each other over stupid, pointless things. It's almost like they're fighting just to fight. I just defused an argument between Gavin and Elliott that was very quickly exculating. While this wasn't stupid or pointless, it was completely avoidable. Gavin had been doing something, on purpose, to annoy Elliott. Elliott had asked Gavin to stop half a dozen times and but he kept right on going. Elliott eventually got up and left the room. Gavin then proceeded to follow him and that's when Elliott finally began to lose his patience. This final confrontation took place outside my bedroom door, which is how I became aware of what had been happening. Elliott handled himself quite well but Gavin, not so much. Gavin…

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February 13, 2021

My thoughts

Having reasonable expectations for myself

It's Thursday and that means the last day of school for the week. Fridays are deemed independent work days and that essentially means that it's a day where the kids get caught up on any school work they haven't finished. If they're current, it's a free day. I'm pretty sure both boys are caught up but I'll know for sure after they're done with school today. I went to bed in a not so good place and woke up feeling better. Emmett must have had a nightmare because I woke up several times because he kicked me. When I fell asleep last night, Emmett was safely tucked into his own bed and fast asleep. I'm not sure what happened. Either way, I'm glad I could be there for him to…

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February 11, 2021

My thoughts

A long overdue emotional exhale

I feel like my day started off amazingly well and then it slowly, methodically descended into chaos as the day went on. I managed to get some work done but not enough and that's really frustrating me. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed and in the process of figuring out how to go about building a new life. Emmett is struggling because he apparently was under the impression the divorce had been finalized for a long time. When it discovered that it wasn't going to be finalized until yesterday, it really upset him. I didn't know he had misunderstood the situation for so long and I'm not sure what lead to the confusion. Unfortunately, he now feels like the whole thing has been reopened. He's on a hair trigger right now and it's…

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February 10, 2021

Divorce / Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

Why I don’t believe time heals all wounds

Yesterday was honestly one of the hardest days of my life but I survived. My marriage of nearly two decades officially came to an end, oddly enough, with the same words that it began with, I do. Our court hearing took place over the phone, at my attorney's office. It's kinda weird doing something like this over the phone but COVID has changed a great many things on our daily lives. The whole process took only a few minutes and it basically ended with the Lizze and I each being asked if we wanted to the court to adopt our agreement. I hadn't recognized the irony of answering that question with I do until 24 hours later, as I was writing this. The question was asked something like this. Robert,…

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February 10, 2021

Gavin / Independent Living / My thoughts

Helping my adult #autistic son find independence

Gavin is bound and determined to move out. Until recently, I hadn't really considered that to be an option but this is what he wants. As his parent, I want him to reach whatever level of independence he can achieve. With that in mind, I'm getting the ball rolling on this. The process is likely to take awhile and that's okay because I wouldn't do anything before COVID is resolved and it's safe for Gavin to pursue. I'm going to be preoccupied this week so I don't envision making any serious progress. I wanted to outline my current plan but keep in mind this is subject to change. I expect that we have a full year, at the very least, before we can really do anything. I want to make…

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February 7, 2021

My thoughts

I’m struggling a bit tonight

I'm getting divorced on Tuesday morning and there are a few things Lizze wanted from the house. It was kinda like a scavanger hunt because I couldn't find some of these things at first. After a few phones calls back and forth, I managed to locate most of what she was looking for. There are some items in the attic but they're staying there until I gut it, hopefully this spring. Anyway, I emptied my closet completely for the first time since she left and I came across quite a few memories that hurt to remember. They would otherwise be positive memories, and perhaps with time, someday they will be again. Everything is collected into about four or five boxes and they're just sitting in my room, waiting to be…

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February 7, 2021

My thoughts

I got some health related news today

It's stressful day but I ended up getting some really good news. Since being on lockdown, I haven't been to see my doctor. The last time I was seen was September of 2019. I was not in a good place at that point because my wife had just left and I was feeling completely lost trying to raise the kids on my own. When I was seen for a routine checkup, I have my routine labs run and while they weren't super bad, they were bad for me. My glucose was high, my cholesterol was high, my triglycerides were high and I was pretty much a hot mess. I was not in a good place emotionally and I that certainly wasn't helpful. I was supposed to return for a routine…

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February 6, 2021

My thoughts

I solved a simple but nagging problem

I've been back in my makeshift studio recording season 4 of my podcast and I've had this one nagging problem that I haven't been able to fix. That's not exactly true. The truth is, I haven't been willing to take the time needed to fix it properly. It's not a huge deal but it's annoying as all get out. Part of the reason for the delay in properly repairing was that I wanted to enlist Emmett's help in troubleshooting and see if he could come up with a working solution. If you look at the underside of my table, you'll see a mess of cables. I wanted to make the table include everything without having multiple cords plugged into the limited outlets in my room. I ran one powers trip…

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February 4, 2021