Gavin's appointment with Dr. Reynolds went as good as it really could have. He's doing about the same and so there aren't any changes at this point. We're going to monitor his labs once a week from this point forward and try and keep everything the same until we get into Hematology. I don't know. Perhaps this is part of what's eating me alive? I'm so worried about Gavin and it's exhausting. I need to cope a little better because things aren't likely to get better, The reality is that things will only get worse as time goes by. I have to be able to deal with this in a healthier way. For right now, I'm focusing on the fact that Gavin is doing okay. I'm grateful for that and…

I'm so fucking stressed out today and I'm not sure why. We didn't get off to a good start this morning but there are plenty of mornings like that and I don't feel like this. I'm completely frazzled and don't even want anyone talking to me. It feels like everyone around me is going in slow motion and I'm in a big hurry. This is all on me but I don't know what triggered this. I've only had a few actually anxiety attacks in my life and perhaps this is one of those. Absolutely everything feels insurmountable and there's this overwhelming sense of impending doom or that I forgot something extremely important. I feel like I'm going crazy and my body is shaky. The reality is that I'm depressed, exhausted,…

It's going to be a crazy chaotic kinda day. The boys go to school in the morning, and I immediately take Gavin for his blood work. From there we head straight to Dr. Reynolds office to follow up on Gavin's labs and decide if we are going to pull the Clozapine. Shortly after we finish up there, we have to pull the boys from school and head to Cleveland for an appointment with their immunologist. Emmett's appointment is a follow-up, as is Gavin and Lizze's. Elliott's is a follow-up as well but with the added issue of his near constant fevers. I'm not sure how that's going to go. After that, all four of them will likely get their flu shots. As I'm not a patient there, I'll be going…

I'm getting frustrated because my two sensory sensitive kiddos are not eating anything we have in the house, aside from Goldfish crackers. This is so frustrating because we have a decent amount of food in the house and they won't eat any of it. Last week I spent $200 at the grocery store and for whatever reason, none of it is palatable to them. I should stress that they aren't being difficult for the sake of being difficult. This is the result of sensory processing disorder and I'm not mad at them for this because it isn't their fault. At the same time however, I'm still frustrated and if I had any hair left, I'd be pulling it out. Knowing it's not their fault doesn't necessarily make it any easier…