I've been a parent to an autistic child for about 9 years. I've been through it all before so I should know what to expect but I don't. For some reason it feels like the first time again. All the uncertainty, fear and feelings of guilt have all come back. I wonder what I did wrong. I ask myself what I should have done differently. I have also begun bargaining with God. Later the anger with God will kick in for what is happening to Emmett John. The fear of whether or not it is regressive like Gavin's is smacking me in the face. LT

In 2 hours Emmett John will begin his evaluation for autism. Up to this point it has all been speculation so we really didn't have anything to deal with emotionally. After today however, things will be made much more real. As much as I try I just don't see us coming out the other side of the tunnel without a diagnosis somewhere on the spectrum. The more we watch Emmett John the more it appears to be spectrum related. He smells everything, food and non-food items. The fits and the inability to talk are big ones also. As a father I just want him to be ok. As father that has been through hell and back over the past 10 years with Gavin, I want to put a name to…

Lizze just got back from the doctor. They want to do a sleep study now because they think she is narcoleptic. This is because she falls asleep right in the middle of doing something. I just assumed she was tired but apparently the meds she is on shouldn't be causing the sleeping stuff. So for now we are waiting for her MRI at the end of the month and the phone call to tell us when the sleep study is. on the plus side she seems to be writing a lot. Writing really helps her to escape all of this for a little bit. LT

As you are all aware this is Autism Awareness Month. I would like to know why I don't see or hear anything about it in my area. I live in northeast ohio and there has been nothing. Maybe it's just because it has struck my family that I am more aware but I would have thought I would have seen ribbons or signs or even hear something on the news or radio. Admittedly, I can't be everywhere and hear everything but it's been to quite. I hear dozens and dozens of times a day how someone found some stupid lost animal in Farmville or someone found a lost egg. Where are our priorities. It actually makes me angry that this month seems to be slipping by unnoticed. I wish there…

Tuesday afternoon about 2:30pm we have "Help me grow" coming over to evaluate Emmett John. This is the next step in completing the diagnostic process. They are basicly going to interview us and interact with him. At the end of the session they will tell us if they think there is a need to continue. This is all new territory for us because Gavin wasn't diagnosed until much later. So early intervention is a big deal. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. After all the crap we have been through I just want this to work for him. I want him to have a fighting chance at life. Gavin will probably never live on his own or get married. I don't want Emmett John to be stripped of these things as…

Gavin had a pretty good day at school today. Which is really good. We are still struggling at home though. He straight up ignores Elliott Richard when he is talking to him. Gavin has been acting really weird (more than normal). I really think we need to move to different meds. Maybe there is something to pulling him completely off and see what happens. We have done that before and it wasn't pretty so maybe that's a bad idea.. Gavin is at the point now where he doesn't make any sense sometimes when talking. He is also really, really lacking the brain mouth filter anymore. The things that come out of is mouth never ceases to amaze, embarrass or down right horrify me. He always manages to say the most inappropriate things…

One of the things I think is unique about this blog is the fact it comes from a male perspective. The perspective of a husband and father. I want to share with you what I feel like at this exact moment with all of this going on around me. In my family my wife is sick. She has fibromyalgia which is basicly a life sentence of constant pain. Lizze has migraines almost everyday. When she walks around I can hear her joints pop due to the arthritis. She carries this burden so gracefully it's completely humbling. Gavin our 10 year old son whom I have raised since he was about a year old and finally was able to adopt about 2 years ago is autistic. Not only did God see…

Today has been really busy. Gavin has been in rare form all weekend. My wife got up with the kids this morning and let me sleep (Thanks). Gavin is like a walking, slow motion zombie. I would think he is over medicated but I don't think he is. We should hear from Dr. R in the morning about med changes. I took some stuff in to "The Exchange" to get some cash. They take video game stuff, cd's and dvd's for trade or cash. I'm slowly gutting all of the things we have collected but never use. After that I had to return some computer stuff to my all time favorite store, Best Buy. It was all gift card returns so I used that and some points and picked up…