About to get Gavin from school. Praying he had a good day and is in a good mood. I can't take any drama right now. I still don't feel good and I have had all I can take and it's only Tuesday.

Today is the anniversary of Lizze's Mother's death. Her grandmother was the only true Mother figure she ever had until she met my family. Her grandmother was a little southern woman but protected Lizze from all the insanity that was her childhood with the fierceness of a mamma bear. I only knew her for a short time before she passed but it didn't take long to see how much she absolutely loved Lizze with the kind of unconditional love only a mother could have. She is dearly missed but I know she is watching over us. She would be so proud of what Lizze has done with her life.

Today has been one of the worst days in our history of bad days. Lizze and I are both  sick. Lizze is in the middle of a really bad fibro flare. Gavin is still struggling with the simplest of tasks. So the day just didn't start out well. Around maybe 1:30pm I was upstairs cleaning up after cutting the lawn when I heard a huge thump and Lizze screaming for me. Emmett John had fallen down the entire flight of steps. He fell forward and then end over end. He was hysterical. He had smashed his face and nose into the un-carpeted stairs over and over again on his way down.  His face is pretty banged up. I was a medic for 10 years and I knew there was a…

Emmett John is starting to go back to giving me a high five by putting his head in my hand. He is becoming more and more destructive. He lashes out at Elliott Richard for seemingly no reason at all. He's still waking up every night screaming hysterically. I'm completely lost anymore. It's such a helpless feeling when your child is hurt, scared or upset and you don't know which it is and what is causing it. This wait for early intervention and autism clinic is excruciating. I can tell you that I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I wish people understood just how all encompassing this is. Our whole life right now revolves around Emmett John and Gavin. Unless you have been in my shoes (like many of you have)…

I wanted today to be great for Lizze. However, today was exhausting. Par for the course though. Gavin has been a handful all day long. We went to my parents for mothers day. Not long after arriving Gavin tried to open mouth kiss my mother. She handled it really well and just put her glass up to her mouth. We yanked Gavin into another room and told him how that was wrong and just called "inappropriate kissing". Personally after that I was done and ready to go home. Everyone says it's no big deal but they don't realize just how big of a deal it actually is. I'm not sure what we are supposed to do. Gavin seems to be slipping still. For example, I cut his hair (shaved his…

Lizze, You have given us so much. I wanted to show you how amazing I know you are.  You are responsible for giving me my children. That is something I can never fully repay you for. Everyday you raise above all the pain you are in and you all that you have. You are a shining example of what a mother should be. Not only are you a mother but a special needs mother. I hope you realize how much the kids and I love you. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELCJcs1qsVY]

Casualties of war. That's what it sometimes feels like. One of the things people don't think about when it comes to autism is the marriages involved. Raising an autistic child (in our case most likely two) has such an impact on our lives as a whole. Everything gets put on hold in order to wage war on the disorder stealing two of our three children away. Priorities shift and you become tunnel visioned on that one thing you want more then anything, getting your child back. One of the big things that gets put on an indefinite hold is our marriage. There simply just isn't enough time and defiantly not enough help. It's a very painful reality to find yourself in. My wife and I are absolute best friends and…

I find my more and more lost with Emmett John and Gavin each day. Gavin is really struggling with simple every day type things. Gavin has "NO" common sense. That's not a slam on him it's just a fact. Things that would come automaticly to most don't come at all to Gavin. So we are having to work overtime to stay ahead of him in almost every area of his life. Gavin is trying to micro-manage everyone around him. He will only play his way. Elliott Richard is not allowed to use his imagination but Gavin is. All these things are causing tension to build in an already tense situation. My sister came today to take Elliott Richard to the park. Gavin was invited but we had to say no…