Autism is changing me. I have become very bitter and angry. I'm angry that I have lost my friends. I'm pissed off at the "family" that forced us to walk away. I'm angry at the "family" that walked away from us because they couldn't hack it. I'm angry that my career is gone. I'm angry that Autism is stealing away my children. I'm angry that Gavin will never live a "normal" life or even live on his own for that matter.I'm angry that he will never have the opportunities so many people take for granted.  I'm angry that we are so alone. I'm angry that I have to sit here and watch  EJ deteriorate and no one seems to take that seriously. I'm angry that the people that should don't…

I know that it seems like all I write about are depressing things. I write about lots of problems. The reason for that is because IT IS OUR TRUTH. These are the things we are living through every day. It's hard to see any positives in the face of so much adversity. I know it's depressing to read all the negatives all the time but try living it. We don't get to walk away. We don't get a break, EVER. We are going to fail if we don't get help. We are going to fall apart if we don't get a break. The point of this blog was to start the conversation by breaking the silence. Sharing the unedited truth is really the only thing I can do. I have…

It's almost 3am and EJ stopped screaming. We brought him downstairs and moved ER back up stairs. I started up a playlist on the TV and he settled down to the music. He acts like he did when he had collic after he was born. I need to find out if it can reappear later on down the road, like now. ER woke up cause of the screaming and snuggled down with me on the couch and is sleeping again. I'm so tired . Thank you for sharing our lives. LT

It's 2am and EJ is still screaming. He's been to the dr and nothing was wrong. He just had a bug. He's acting like it hurts to touch him. Maybe sensory overload? ER is sleeping on the couch. He came down crying. He passed out on the couch next to me. He just needed some comfort I guess. I'm going to go try to help Lizze with EJ again. Thank you for sharing our lives. LT

Am I talking to myself? I sure feels like it today because no one is listening. I have lost track of how many times I've repeated myself today. It's 9pm and none of the kids are sleeping. Lizze and I were going to have our first date night and its been a disaster. EJ is screaming and I can't help Lizze because ER and G will not stay in bed. I don't know what is going on in this house but clearly it has to stop. It's 85 degrees here and Gavin is in sweat pants, a tea shirt (long sleeve) and a hoody. He freaks out cause his window is open. We give him the choice, he either strips down or he has to have the window open or…

Gavin is acting strange, even for him. :e walks around with his eyes almost closed. He mumbles when he talks. When he talks each word is like 15 seconds apart. He said he wasn't feeling good and his tummy hurt. He looks like he's not feeling good. However, he could have been saying that to get away from ER. Either way we sent him back to bed to get some rest. I don't know if he's eaten anything he shouldn't have. Lizze caught him eating his toe jam the other night. So your guess is as good as mine. Now he wants back down and claims his stomach never hurt. I'm home with the kids alone so I can't battle him right now. I sent him back to bed. Cause…

I made it through the day in one piece. When you live with special needs kids that's saying something. I want to thank everyone for the constant support and compassion. Things are pretty tough for us now but we somehow always find our way out the other side. Good or bad. For better or worse this is my truth. Thanks for taking the time to share our lives as well as your own. I really enjoy the dialog and hope it continues to increase in the future. LT Thank you for sharing our lives. LT

Last night seemed to go on forever. EJ was sick and fussy all night long and ER kept having bad dreams. I think I finally got to sleep around 3am. Lizze let me nap this morning and that helped. I just got ER off to quiet time and I'm going to just chill while everyone is sleeping. Maybe catch up on some "Splinter Cell: Conviction".... Thank you for sharing our lives. LT