...how frustrated I am with Gavin's behaviors it's not easy to know he's not sleeping in the other room. I truly hope this is the last time we have to do this. He is working so hard on controlling himself and his behavior has improved so much. He is there through no fault of his own. These are all medical necessities that must be addressed. It's times like this when it's really hard explain the quandary I find myself in while trying to get Gavin the help he needs yet at the same time I am grateful for the break. What does that say about me as a parent?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WziA88-n02k&ob=av3e[/youtube] This song always makes me think of Gavin. I heard it tonight and I think this is the best way to describe what he is going through (at least with the voices).

We just got home from Akron Children's Hospital. Gavin has been admitted and will most likely be there for 10 days. We were told we did the right thing because he is in bad shape. Gavin did pretty well but they were concerned about his breathing. Gavin was given a breathing treatment. They used a nebulizer that was in the shape of a dragon to be less scary for the kids. We put the mask on a Gavin started freaking out. We had to (rather I had to) hold the mask on so his airways would open up.  After a few minutes the treatment was done and we walked into the hall way. Gavin just started to lose it. We were trying to calm him down and figure out what…

Gavin has been admitted. We are looking at 10 days they said

We are at Akron Children's. Gavin is being admitted (most likely). Please say a prayer for him.......

Gavin has started baring his teeth. That is another not so good sign. He doesn't realize he's doing it but he is baring his teeth almost all the time now. It's honestly a little creepy but it also looks uncomfortable for him. I really hoping his appointment gets here quick. I fear Akron childrens is in our immediate future. Posted from WordPress for Android

Today has been one of the longest days ever. Our van is finally fixed. A huge thanks to my parents for letting use their car for the past few weeks. I think the kids are either getting better or maybe worse. The coughing is becoming more productive but the crap they couch up is green. That's not a good thing but it is good that they are coughing it up now. Lizze met with her neurologist today they are adjusting her mess around to hopefully reduce the migrains. She is also going to be going to physical therapy 3 times a week now. They are hoping that will also help with the migrains. It's helped in the past so maybe it will help now. I got a new member to…

Why can't I have more patients? I have become so overwhelmed with everything that I feel I'm going to shatter. I have been grieving the loss of Gavin for 6+ years now and watching him continue to regress and struggle is killing me. Gavin began regressing at about age 3 or 4. I can't remember it happening. I just remember him going to sleep and then never waking up. The Gavin that woke up was different and distant.  I'm short with him anymore. He's manic and psychotic right now. He NEVER stops talking and doesn't listen. He keeps doing things that hurt his brothers physically or emotionally. They are learning from him and are developing his mannerisms. They now hit themselves when they get angry. They imitate him all the time.  It's…