I have been wanting to share this for a while now but have been affraid to admit this. By sharing this I am really opening myself up. This is not easy to write the words that explain how I have been feeling. I understand how this is going to sound but if you have had a child taken away by Autism you may be able to relate. For a long time I have been struggling with Gavin, that's no secret. I have less and less patience with him or really more his behaviors. Since I have been walking I have had lots of time to think. I have come to very profound realization. I resent Gavin. I know how bad that sounds so let share why I feel this way.…

Re-vamping the site.

...but kind of humerous is suppose. Well for the 2nd night in a row Emmett John climbed into bed with us. I never sleep well when he's there cause he kicks. Elliott was up every few hours and Gavin didn't go to bed until 1am. I woke up around 5 am because for the 2nd night in a row Emmett John pee'd on me. I get all that cleaned up and Lizze stayed up and let me go back to sleep. Elliott comes into the room and lays down with me which was fine. Next thing I know he is vomiting all over me.  I have a bad feeling about today.

It has been recommended to us by Gavin doctors to not allow him to participate in trick or treat this year do to his instability right how. Gavin is completely over stimulated and overwhelmed all the time. He is affraid of everything right now. He is still hallucinating every day. The concern is that seeing people dressed up as some of the things he has been seeing may serve to push him over the edge. We can't afford to destabalize any more the he already is because there is nothing we can do to help him right now. It really sucks because I know he os going to be upset but we have to preserve the family unit and Gavin being any more stressed will sink the ship. I wish…

...without a hitch this morning. Everyone was in a good mood so hopefully some of us have a better day today. I'm just hanging with Mr. Emmett John watching a movie while the other kids get to school and Lizze gets some bloodwork done.

Gavin had a really bad day at school today. He was sent to the office 2 times. According to the note he was unsafe. He was untoletant and very easily frustrated. Not a good day. Hopefully Wednesday is a better day. I don't know where Gavin is headed but I really fear we are headed for some dark times.

...Dr. Patti tonight. We are trying to figure out what is really going on with him. Gavin is contaminating so much within the house with his behaviors. We don't know where Elliott ends and Gavin begins. Basically, we don't know how much of Elliott's problems are actually his issues or Elliott reacting to Gavin's behaviors. We know he is very high functioning aspergers. However, we are seeing some concerning behaviors from Elliott and don't know why they are there. Does that make any sense?

...donuts with Dad at Elliott's school. I'm really excited bacause we get to carve a pumpkin eat donuts together. He is really excited also. This is my first "typical" type experience like this.  I'll let you know how it goes.