Of course I wouldn't really quit. The truth is, sometimes I just get so completely overwhelmed that I wish I could. I feel helpless, hopeless and Lost and Tired. It feels like there isn't any further down I could sink but I know I will eventually sink further. It's difficult to articulate exact what reaching that point feels like. I'll just say that it sucks..... You also have to understand how bad of a day yesterday was. We drove 100 miles just taking the boys to and from school. We were trying to get ready for Emmett's sleep which we ended up rescheduling. The van was having major issues on the freeway the other day and I knew I needed to get that fixed. Then Lizze informs me that her…

Lizze's main incision is infected again. This time it's much worse. I f*cking quit...

As special needs parent I have to (along with my wife) make some really tough decisions. Honestly, we have very "easy" decisions to make anymore.  Right now we have a problem and we are trying to figure out a way around it. Emmett is scheduled for the sleep study tonight form 8pm-5am Friday morning. We then will have to leave the hospital, kill time for about 3 hours and then be in Cleveland for more Emmett related therapies. Akron is about 25 minutes form my house and Cleveland is about 1.5 hours from my house. We will be doing all of thins on ANOTHER night of no sleep. The other issue is I think the sleep study will be a waste of time. Not because I don't want to spend…

As I said yesterday , we were headed to Case Western Reserve University today for another ADOS for Emmett. This was to determine his eligibility for a research study. We were up, dressed and out the door on time and everything was going...well..considering. We stopped at the Get-Go (Giant Eagle's Gas station) to get gas before we left. I was pumping the gas and I looked up. The 'bare handed man" was standing in front of me. He was wearing the same clothes as the first time I met him. He used the exact same words. He wanted food and a trip to the shelter. He pulled all the change out of his pocket to "prove" he had no money. I looked to my right and Lizze was watching as he talked…

Edit: I posted this last night but it just showed up now.... Lizze and I were up with Elliott most of last night and then up at 6am with Emmett. Elliott and Gavin were both home today due to illness. Elliott went to Dr.H and his lungs are clear but he has an ear infection. I took Gavin and Elliott to therapy tonight. Dr. Patti and I spoke in another room while the boys were playing. I sat there and just sobbed. I'm so overwhelmed, tired, frustrated and scared. Everything is just completely falling apart and no one gets that. You know your life is really screwed up when you make the doctors cry.... I got the boys home and Lizze and Emmett were already in bed at 7:30pm. I…

I just spent the last 20 minutes literally fighting Elliott to get dressed. He has to go back to the doctors because he sounds like he is getting sick again.  Elliott was hysterical,screaming and sobbing. WTF am I supposed to do. Elliott is struggling more and more. I know he plays his DS a lot, too much really. That alone doesn't account for this. I don't know if it's all Gavin but I do know his behavior plays a MAJOR role. Especially when it comes to Elliott's anxiety and self injury. This is getting to the point were we HAVE to do something or this family WILL fail. We see Dr.Patti tonight and we will have to have SERIOUS talk about what our options are.

Elliott is still up at 2am coughing up a lung. I think he went back to school to soon... We got his cough meds in him and the cool mist humidifier going.. Lizze is sitting with since I have gone so long without sleep. We called him and Gavin off of school. We don't know why Gavin puked but he did twice. Emmett will be the only one in school today.... This week just keeps getting better.....

Aside from the ALL the usual weekly appointments we have some MAJOR testing for Emmett this week. Tuesday: School for all three kids (Over 100 miles in driving). Elliott see's Dr. H and then see's Dr. Patti... Wednesday: we are back up to Cleveland. This time to Case Western for another ADOS as part of a study in a new early intervention technique. Elliott and Gavin have school. Gavin see's Dr. H..... Thursday: Emmett undergoes a sleep study on Thursday night through Friday morning. We have to have Gavin and Elliott spend the night somewhere in order to get to school on Friday morning. They are looking identify the issues with Emmett not sleeping. All three boys go to school. Friday: Emmett is still in Akron for the sleep study.…