My thoughts Archives - Page 12 of 1481

I’m so frustrated with myself

I'm getting ready to call it a night after a really long day. I had to get Elliott to work first thing and then begin tackling my ever growing to do list. It feels like I keep adding items and almost never end up checking them off. I pushed myself today and managed to get a few things done that should have been done a long time ago, in some cases, years ago. I'm so frustrated with myself because it absolutely should not have taken me this long. I don't know what else to say, aside from their done now. Both boys are registered for high school now and I only need to pick up Emmett's vaccine records from the doctors office, to be done with his additional paperwork. I…

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July 25, 2022

My thoughts

People don’t fake they’re depressed, they fake they’re okay and I’m pretty good at doing that

This is actually really sad but I'm in a place where I really want to celebrate every possible victory I can. It's been a long day. Emmett and I had somewhere to be in the morning. The information is currently under embargo, so I can't talk about it yet, but it was a pretty cool experience. Aside from spending time with Emmett today, my claim to fame is that I shaved for the first time in over two weeks. That's really sad but when you're struggling with depression/burnout like I am right now, every single win counts. Today took a lot out of me. I'm so exhausted and I just want to go to bed but all three of the kids are still wide awake. They're adjusting to a new…

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July 24, 2022

My thoughts

I’m trying to focus on doing better

Today was pretty rough. I spent a good chunk of it sleeping. It's been body aches, headaches, nausea, cold sweats, and of course, my personal favorite, extreme exhaustion. I haven't eaten much today and I've been trying to stay hydrated as best I can. I ended up mowing the lawn this evening and I definitely regret that decision. It was so hot but the yard was only going to get longer. It's supposed to storm tonight and I wanted to try and push myself to get it done. Not one of my better decisions, if I'm being honest. Emmett and I also took the dogs around the block a couple of times before I called it quits for the day. It wasn't a super long walk but I want to…

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July 21, 2022

My thoughts

I’m definitely feeling rough this morning

I'm definitely feeling rough this morning. No two ways about it. I'm not as bad as I have been after previous doses of the COVID vaccine but it's not fun. I'm up and got the dogs out, have my meds ready to take after I eat, and I'm starting the day with the knowledge that the podcast has cracked the top 200 kids and family related podcasts in the country on Chartable. I'm pretty stoked about that and it's motivation to keep pushing forward. My goal is to get way inside the top 100 and I'm well on my way, thanks to all my listeners. Emmett was up all night again because he couldn't sleep. He was doing so good for so long, and I'm not sure what happened. I…

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July 20, 2022

My thoughts / Navigating Divorce

It’s not my responsibility to make sure that other people do their job

I'm starting to feel kinda miserable. It's been about 14 hours since my second booster and I'm definitely feeling it. I don't mind the sore arm, and headache, but the exhaustion is the worst. I was already exhausted and now I'm even more so. I crashed for a couple hours before dinner because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Despite how I'm feeling, I did manage to make progress in regards to Gavin's social security name change. I was able to get a certified copy of his adoption paperwork, as well as, his birth certificate. I just need to finish filling out the paperwork and then drop it off at the local social security office. They've assured me that they will take it from there. I'm going to assume…

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July 20, 2022

My thoughts

The next few days are gonna suck but it’s worth it

I have a few minutes before I head out to get my second COVID booster. Elliott got off to work without a problem and I'm hoping that this round of side effects doesn't hit me too hard. Gavin is going to be scheduled for his as well but not today. Covid is getting bad again and the best weapon I have to keep my loved ones safe if the vaccine. I feel good about getting my forth dose and I'm not worried about it. I'll be fine after a few days and my schedule is pretty light this week, so it works out. I have a meeting this morning and should be able to crash after that if need be. My goal today is to make further progress on Gavin's…

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July 19, 2022

My thoughts

It’s time for some brutal honesty

Today was tough for me. Emmett was up all night after having a nightmare. I finally crashed around 4 am-ish and was up in time to get Elliott to work by 8 am. I've been really out of sorts today and very easily agitated. I managed to get all of my work done and the business had a pretty good day, if I'm being honest. That's definitely a plus. Despite the obvious positives today, I couldn't shake the conversation I had with Gavin last night. It was deeply upsetting to me, and I'm still feeling like a failure. I'm looking at his paperwork tonight and I'll get it filled out tomorrow. I just need to make some progress. Anyway, the purpose of this post is to answer a question that…

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July 18, 2022

Read more about the article We had a really bad night

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My thoughts

We had a really bad night

It's 3am and I'm still awake because the boys are struggling after a brief visit with their mom. Elliott managed to fall asleep, but Emmett had a nightmare, and refuses to go back to bed for fear it's going to happen again. Then of course, there's Gavin. Poor Gavin had a particularly bad night. He came home and immersed himself in video games. That's not unusual for him but tonight he became frustrated, punched his phone, and shattered the screen. He became so angry with himself and it just spiraled from there. He went from being upset about the same things his brothers were upset about some things that to raging about how angry he is was me for destroying his life. He actually used those words. In the almost…

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July 18, 2022