My thoughts Archives - Page 113 of 1480

I will #neverforget

It's ended up being a really positive morning. The kids got off to school with little issue. Gavin and I were able to go walking and he's doing pretty well. I think next week we might be able to bump up the distance. That would mean progress is being made and that's always awesome where Gavin is concerned. On the way home, we stopped by the McKinley Monument to remember. Gavin was just a baby when the towers fell. Lizze and I hadn't even been dating long but I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing. I had to explain to Gavin what happened because he didn't remember and that's not uncommon for Gavin. His memory can be a bit slippery. Anyway, Canton Fire was honoring the…

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September 11, 2019

My thoughts / New Beginnings

So far so good

The mood in The Autism Dad household is significantly better after a good night's sleep. It was a weird night's sleep though, at least for Emmett and myself. I woke up a few times throughout the night and so did Emmett. I feel like it was bad dream related. Actually, as I'm writing this, I remembered the dream and I understand why I kept waking up. Anyway, I'm a bit tired but overall, pretty good. Everyone seems to be feeling well and getting them to school doesn't appear like it's going to be a problem. That doesn't mean that I won't get a phone call later but the fact that they're willingly going is a positive thing. After dropping them off, Gavin and I are going to go walking. I…

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September 11, 2019

My thoughts

Today was a f*cking serious emotional roller-coaster

We have lived through a roller-coaster of emotions today, but we ended the day on a positive note. It's important not to lose sight of that. The boys were too upset to go to school, Emmett felt so sick that he wouldn't even get out of bed. Elliott wasn't too far behind him. That said, the morning was distracting them and a bit before lunch, they both ended up going to school. Half a day is better than not going at all and we were able to work through the emotional distress. I give them all the credit in the world for that because they're simply amazing kids and I couldn't be prouder to be their Dad. The only thing better than them returning to school half day, was them…

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September 10, 2019

My thoughts / Today's Victory

I’m so f*cking proud of my kids

Shortly after I published the last post about the kids not going to school, they ended up going to school. It wasn't until closer to noon but they went and that's positive. Perhaps all they needed was some time to get settled and work through whatever it was they were dealing with. Either way, they both went back. Elliott was less enthusiastic then Emmett was but he still went back. I spoke with the office and made some arrangements for Elliott to spend time drawing if he gets too stressed out. That's a far better alternative than sending him home. The school said that was no problem at all. Hopefully, when he walks out the door this afternoon, he had a chance to draw so he feels like he's been…

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September 10, 2019

My thoughts

Sometimes I’m just not enough

I fucking hate everything that my kids are going through right now. It's not fair that they are expected to deal with the consequences of adult decisions. They didn't ask for this and yet they're the ones paying the highest price. Emmett was wrapped around my arm for most of the night. I'm not sure if he was having bad dreams but he was clamped on pretty tight. Elliott struggled to even fall asleep but thankfully, seems to have slept. Both boys are so stressed out that they are sick to their stomachs. Emmett wouldn't even get out of bed this morning because he felt so awful. He loves school but came home sick yesterday and ended up not going this morning. Neither did Elliott because he was nauseous. Neither…

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September 10, 2019

Emmett John / My thoughts

My kids aren’t doing well and one of them couldn’t make it through the school day

I had a busy day planned but unfortunately, it derailed by 9:30 AM. I got the kids to school without much problem. Everyone was fine and I thought - and this is where I went wrong - I thought everything was going to be okay. Gavin and I went walking and I took him for his blood work. While I was waiting for him to come out, I got an email from the school saying that Emmett wasn't feeling well and they'd let me know if he needed to go home. His teachers said he was doing okay for the moment. I called the school and was going to explain that I didn't want him pushed too far because I'm pretty sure this is emotionally based and he's made himself…

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September 9, 2019

My thoughts

It’s only been a month, and the truth is, I hurt

One of the more frustrating things about going it alone with my kids is that sleep can get very challenging, even moreso than before. Last night, I went to bed at 9:30 PM, thinking that because I was already so tired, I would fall asleep pretty easily. Unfortunately, I couldn't fall asleep until after midnight because I couldn't shut my brain off. I woke up at 2 AM and laid there, lost in my swirling thoughts until after 4 AM. When I did sleep, it was restless due to nightmares about memories that were once treasured but now deeply hurt upon recollection. Going without sleep is not an option but I'm very hesitant to take anything, even melatonin. Those things tend to hit me pretty hard and I need to…

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September 9, 2019

Gavin / My thoughts

He cleans up well

Gavin shaves his head and he has for years. He likes it but it also makes hygiene much easier for him as well. I cut Gavin's hair before he went to see his mom and go to the birthday party this past Saturday. All I'm going to say is, he cleans up well, doesn't he.. ☺ ♥

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September 9, 2019