I started this post this morning and then was sidetracked by Gavin's meltdown.  Gavin had yet another seizure early this morning. Clearly the depakote isn't working well but at the moment,  we can't change his meds because of the autonomic testing this week.  Neurology is concerned that any changes will further muddy the water and make things worse. All we have to do is make it through to Friday and adjustments will be made at his EEG. I know I make that sound easy,  but the reality is anything but. Gavin will be off the only meds keeping is blood pressure from crashing for the next 72 hours,  in order to have this autonomic testing done. God only knows how that's going to go. I do know that I'm going…

I'm very quickly losing my appetite for Gavin's meltdowns. Truthfully,  I've never had a taste for them but I was able to tolerate them.  Anymore however,  they are becoming more and more difficult to deal with. We just finished up another meltdown a few minutes ago.  I didn't sleep well so I'm a bit on the grouchy side this morning. I told Gavin that if this behavior continues,  we are going to have no choice but to send him somewhere. I told him, in a not so patient voice, that I have to ensure that his little brothers have a safe and nurturing environment to grow up in and his behavior is making that almost impossible. He was only upset because he was in trouble,  he doesn't care that he…

I think I managed to obtain about 3 or 4 hours of very restless sleep before Mr. Emmett John woke up. Lizze was sick,  all night long and remains so now. I was going to try and walk this morning because it's been too hot during the day and evening.  Yesterday, we had a heat index of 112°F. That's a bit in the way to frickin hot to walk side of things. On the positive side of things, if I have to find something to be positive about, Emmett woke up in a really good mood.  At least I have that. He could be screaming right now but he's just in a snuggly mood instead.  If Lizze doesn't feel better soon,  I don't know what that will mean for this…

I hate stress.  I know some stress is a good thing.  It makes you rise to the occasion and do what needs to be done. However,  the amount of stress I'm under makes me want to friggin eat. It also makes me want to cry and even pull out what's left of my hair. I'm watching cartoons at 2 am because I can't shut my brain off.  I'm downstairs on the couch because Lizze is in so much pain,  she does better with the bed all to herself. Whatever I can do to help make her more comfortable is worth the cost. My brain is racing at a thousand miles an hour because I can't stop worrying about everything and how I'm going to either pull my family through it.…

Please say a prayer for my wife Lizze or keep her in your thoughts. She in really bad shape right now. Her migraine is still in full effect,  6+ months and counting.  For about the last 2 weeks or so,  she has been dealing with serious back problems.  It's become so bad that she finds herself physically ill on many occasions,  simply from the pain. Her doctor says she suffers from degenerative discount disease but he is going off an older MRI.  Clearly something is wrong and that's why she is supposed to have a new MRI this week. Unfortunately, that has been put on hold and will need to be rescheduled because it conflicts with Gavin's autonomic testing.  You want to talk about a crappy situation to be in, …