My thoughts Archives - Page 11 of 1480

I don’t want to feel like this anymore

I have a doctor's appointment this morning to discuss managing my ADHD with medication. This has been a long time coming and I'm excited/nervous. We're also going to talk about my antidepressants as well. This is so important, especially as I'm continuing to struggle. I'm looking forward to putting some of this struggle behind me or at least becoming better equipt to manage it. I don't expect it to be an easy, overnight change but rather a process. It's going to take time but I will take back control over my life and continue moving forward. On my way to the doctor I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Giving up isn't an option for me, so I need to…

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August 8, 2022

My thoughts

He had a major meltdown this afternoon and I’m completely drained

It's been a frustrating week. I've been dealing with anxious kids, Gavin challenges, and now equipment issues with my podcast. I've been working on it today and couldn't get things working until almost midnight. Unfortunately, Friday's episode is going to be late as a result. I'm hoping to get it finished by shed up and out by end of the day Friday, or early Saturday at the latest. I want to end the week on a positive note, so I it's going to be a movie night with Gavin and Elliott. Emmett is spending the night at a friend's house. That's pretty exciting. He's stoked and I'm happy for him. The boys and I are going to watch The Man From Toronto for movie night. Gavin is actually pretty excited…

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July 28, 2022

My thoughts

#Depression can be different for everyone but this is how it impacts me

I wanted to point something out about depression, at least as it applies to me. When I find myself in a darker place, I don't think I've ever had the urge to hurt myself, at least not that I can remember. When I'm struggling like I am, the struggle is not related to not wanting to live anymore. I struggle with things like getting out of bed, participating in life, focusing on the positive, getting to the gym, taking care of myself, sleeping, unhealthy eating, and a general loss of interest in many things I typically enjoy. Not everyone who's dealing with depression will struggle with suicidal thoughts. The reality is that we're all different and experience things in different ways. There are plenty of people who will struggle with…

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July 27, 2022

My thoughts

I’m so frustrated with myself

I'm getting ready to call it a night after a really long day. I had to get Elliott to work first thing and then begin tackling my ever growing to do list. It feels like I keep adding items and almost never end up checking them off. I pushed myself today and managed to get a few things done that should have been done a long time ago, in some cases, years ago. I'm so frustrated with myself because it absolutely should not have taken me this long. I don't know what else to say, aside from their done now. Both boys are registered for high school now and I only need to pick up Emmett's vaccine records from the doctors office, to be done with his additional paperwork. I…

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July 25, 2022

My thoughts

People don’t fake they’re depressed, they fake they’re okay and I’m pretty good at doing that

This is actually really sad but I'm in a place where I really want to celebrate every possible victory I can. It's been a long day. Emmett and I had somewhere to be in the morning. The information is currently under embargo, so I can't talk about it yet, but it was a pretty cool experience. Aside from spending time with Emmett today, my claim to fame is that I shaved for the first time in over two weeks. That's really sad but when you're struggling with depression/burnout like I am right now, every single win counts. Today took a lot out of me. I'm so exhausted and I just want to go to bed but all three of the kids are still wide awake. They're adjusting to a new…

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July 24, 2022

My thoughts

I’m trying to focus on doing better

Today was pretty rough. I spent a good chunk of it sleeping. It's been body aches, headaches, nausea, cold sweats, and of course, my personal favorite, extreme exhaustion. I haven't eaten much today and I've been trying to stay hydrated as best I can. I ended up mowing the lawn this evening and I definitely regret that decision. It was so hot but the yard was only going to get longer. It's supposed to storm tonight and I wanted to try and push myself to get it done. Not one of my better decisions, if I'm being honest. Emmett and I also took the dogs around the block a couple of times before I called it quits for the day. It wasn't a super long walk but I want to…

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July 21, 2022

My thoughts

I’m definitely feeling rough this morning

I'm definitely feeling rough this morning. No two ways about it. I'm not as bad as I have been after previous doses of the COVID vaccine but it's not fun. I'm up and got the dogs out, have my meds ready to take after I eat, and I'm starting the day with the knowledge that the podcast has cracked the top 200 kids and family related podcasts in the country on Chartable. I'm pretty stoked about that and it's motivation to keep pushing forward. My goal is to get way inside the top 100 and I'm well on my way, thanks to all my listeners. Emmett was up all night again because he couldn't sleep. He was doing so good for so long, and I'm not sure what happened. I…

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July 20, 2022

My thoughts / Navigating Divorce

It’s not my responsibility to make sure that other people do their job

I'm starting to feel kinda miserable. It's been about 14 hours since my second booster and I'm definitely feeling it. I don't mind the sore arm, and headache, but the exhaustion is the worst. I was already exhausted and now I'm even more so. I crashed for a couple hours before dinner because I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Despite how I'm feeling, I did manage to make progress in regards to Gavin's social security name change. I was able to get a certified copy of his adoption paperwork, as well as, his birth certificate. I just need to finish filling out the paperwork and then drop it off at the local social security office. They've assured me that they will take it from there. I'm going to assume…

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July 20, 2022