Confessions Archives - The Autism Dad

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

I wanted to take a minute and talk about my personal war with depression. I've been very open and honest about this but I've not updated you guys on how I'm doing in a little while. I feel like it's been forever, actually. First of all, I want to say that yes, I still struggle with depression. Barring some breakthrough in science and medicine, I think depression will be around forever. That being said, I manage my depression quite well and for the most part, it doesn't play a prominent role in my life. If it's not managed well or I go through a very difficult time, the balance I've worked very hard to establish, can be thrown off. When that happens, I can struggle a bit. I've actually been…

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May 11, 2021

Confessions / Depression Management / Medications / My thoughts

Why I’m increasing my antidepressant today

I gave myself one week to grieve the loss of my marriage and that week was officially over. While I'm not hitting the ground running, at least as quickly as I was hoping, I am moving forward. In a little while, I have an appointment with my PCP over the phone, due to COVID. I've made the decision to talk to my doctor about increasing my antidepressant. The reason behind this is that I recognize that everything has taken a toll on me and while I'm not defeated, I'm also not in total control either. Depression is influencing me a bit more than I'm comfortable with right now, and frankly, it has been. The last couple of years have been difficult and I've been dealing with a lot. COVID has…

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February 17, 2021

Confessions / Depression Management / Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

I want to talk to you about my #depression

It has occurred to me that I haven't talked about my depression much lately. I talk about to people who reach out offline quite a bit and I sometimes forget to do that here as well. One of the reasons this occurred to me is because I noticed today that I'm struggling a little more than I have been in regards to managing my depression. I think everyone deals with life differently and depression hits people in different ways as well. We're all different and that's okay. For me personally, I know depression is once again gaining a foothold in my life when I begin worrying about dying. It's not easy for me to admit that because there's only a few people in my life that are aware of this…

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December 9, 2020

Confessions / Depression Management / Inspirational Posts / My thoughts

Focusing on the positive helps me remember that #depression is lying to me

I'm very much in a darker place right now but I'm also refusing to give into depression. Fighting depression is an imperfect, uphill battle that's part of an invisible overarching war that I've been engaged in for most of my life. Part of my battle tactic is to force myself to focus on the positive things in my life. Depression tells me there's nothing positive but I know that's not true. There are three amazing little humans in my life and that's the most positive thing I can imagine. I'm going to share some pretty cool things my kids did today. Gavin's life is challenging for him but this kid never fucking gives up. This morning he was up before everyone else, which is normal for him. He focused on…

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August 24, 2020

Confessions / Depression Management / My thoughts

I can’t shake the #depression today

I can't really explain why but I'm struggling today. I'm feeling defeated and demoralized. Nothing happened outside of really bad dreams last night. Honestly, I think it's probably just a new battle with depression. By new I just mean a resurgence. There's a great deal of stress in my life right now and I'm getting overwhelmed by it all. I'm turning 42 years old on the 24th of August and I wish things in my life were different. I live in a bad neighborhood that I can't seem to get us out of. In 12 days, it would have been my 17th anniversary but instead, I find myself alone with my kids, as we try to survive a global pandemic. My kids are amazing and I love them completely. At…

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August 23, 2020

Confessions / Depression Management / My thoughts

I’m losing interest in all the things I once enjoyed

It's been a pretty rough couple of days. Scratch that. It's been a pretty rough year. I'm feeling a great deal of pressure right now and it doesn't look to be getting better, anytime soon. I'm fact, it's likely to only get worse. School is getting closer and closer and I'm getting more and more nervous about this whole distance learning thing. I don't really worry so much about the kids because I believe they can totally handle this. I'm nervous that I won't be able to handle this. I've been working a lot the last few days but unfortunately, it's not translating into much financially, at the moment. That fact alone has me unable to sleep at night. I know that literally millions and millions of people are dealing…

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August 9, 2020

Confessions / Depression Management / Link / My thoughts

My personal struggle with #depression

I mentioned yesterday that depression is becoming more of a struggle for me lately. Monday was pretty rough for me but yesterday was a little better. It's so hard to describe what this is like, especially if you've never experienced depression before. I can say that it impacts pretty much every aspect of my life and that motivating myself to do anything is pretty fucking difficult. It's not laziness at all and it fucking drives me crazy when people assume that. It's more like thinking about doing anything is so overwhelming that it's crippling. I know that's hard to understand. There are times that I get stuck inside my own head and that's not always the most friendly place for me to spend time. When I'm in my head, I…

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July 15, 2020

Confessions / COVID19 / Depression Management / Lockdown / My thoughts

I’m so fucking overwhelmed

I'm trying to write more but the truth is, I'm barely fucking hanging on right now. Last night, in a massive emotional outbursts, Emmett ripped up his schoolwork. He wasn't trying to be difficult or oppositional. He's so overwhelmed by everything and simply not coping well. We've officially crossed a line with the schoolwork at this point. There isn't a child in this country who's education isn't totally fucked up right now. This is causing my kids far too much distress and me too much anxiety. I'm fucking done. I'm fighting feelings of being a total parenting failure right now but the truth is, I'm failing either way. If I force my kids to continue doing the busy work, I'm letting them down because it's clearly not in their best…

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April 11, 2020