Depression Confessions Archives

If #depression was a voice it’d be the loudest voice I can hear right now

I'm in a weird place this morning. I'm not feeling very hopeful about life at the moment. I know that's mostly depression talking but it's talking over many other things in my life. I don't know if that makes sense? I'm saying that if depression was a voice it'd be the loudest voice I can hear right now. I was supposed to go walking this morning and I've been looking forward to it all week. Unfortunately, I got a call from the dealership I bought my new car from. Apparently, they made a mistake on the paperwork. The advertised mileage on the car and the actual mileage differed and Capitol One has required all new paperwork to be drawn up. That means I have a 30 minute drive to sign…

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October 9, 2019

I feel so lost right now

I'm not having a good day today. I'm feeling enormously overwhelmed by everything in my life, and I honestly don't know how much more I can take. The things going on in this country are not okay. The things going on in my neighborhood are not okay. It's all so infuriating, overwhelming, and impossible for me to ignore. Everyone in my family (Lizze, Gavin, Elliott, and Emmett) are struggling with so much right now, and there isn't a goddamn thing I do to make their lives better. There's not enough of me to go around, and everyone needs more than I have left. I'm in a darker place than I've been in for a long while and pissed off at the world. There is absolutely no part of me that…

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July 14, 2019

Depression Confessions / My thoughts

What #Depression is like for me as an #Autism and #SpecialNeeds parent but also as a human being

If Depression had its way, I'd spend every waking minute, of every single day, thinking of ways to end my life.

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November 18, 2018

Depression Confessions / My thoughts

#Depression makes it worse

As the day has gone on, my stress level has steadily increased. The boys are in bed and sleeping. They need their rest after a long day. Lizze and I are watching Jack Ryan on Amazon but I think I'm done for the night. My stress level is at a point where my left eye has been twitching so much that I have a tension headache. I'm overwhelmed, worried and have way too much on my plate at the moment. When I get to this point, my ability to cope is severely impaired. This is when I can feel the out stretched arms of depression reaching out for me. I don't know how to describe it. It's like on most days I can keep my depression at bay. When I…

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September 16, 2018

Autism Parenting Confessions / Depression Confessions / My thoughts

A MASSIVE and IMPORTANT Update for the last couple of days

Hey folks. It's been a couple days since I've written anything other than an update on my tumultuous relationship with Paxil and there's a good reason for that. That good reason is, I'm fucking miserable. I'm anxious, stressed, emotional, not sleeping, nauseated and freaking out. None of this is really new information because it's the same side effects I've been struggling with since I took my last dose of Paxil, exactly one week ago today. Rather than focus on my current disparity, I want to catch everyone up on some of the things I've been meaning to write about but haven't, because of the stuff in the previous two paragraphs. School Related It was a shorter school week because of teacher in-service and end of the quarter stuff. The kids…

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March 17, 2018

Depression Confessions / Depression Management / Medications / My thoughts

This is what withdrawing from #Paxil is doing to me

I wanted to touch base and let you guys know where I've been. Since last Thursday, I've been really, really struggling both physically and emotionally. I was doing pretty good, or so I thought. For most of the last 90 days or so, I was going okay. I would feel changes each time my dose was reduced but for the most part, I adjusted well. When I took my final dose last Thursday, I thought I was going to be free. Instead, I find myself struggling more than I ever have before. To be clear, I'm not struggling with Depression, the Fisher Wallace Stimulator I'm using is helping out a great deal on that end. The problem I'm having now is how my body is reacting to no longer having…

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March 15, 2018

Depression Confessions / My thoughts

Living with #Depression is a war, not just a battle

I wanted to take a few minutes and share what I consider to be a major milestone in how I'm managing my Depression. Depression has been a part of my life since my early teens and will likely be an indefinite part of my life. While Depression is a consistent part of my mental and emotional health, how I choose to manage it can change from time to time. The three most important parts of managing Depression involves therapy, medication (if needed) and exercise. Everyone is different but generally speaking, the three pronged approach tends to be the best fit for most people. I'm not like most people and things like talk therapy, have never really been that effective for me personally. My weapon of choice has been medication and…

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February 28, 2018

Depression Confessions / My thoughts

Depression Confessions: 2 weeks into withdrawaling from #Paxil

Depression Confessions exists to help facilitate an open and honest about how depression impacts my life. Depression is different for everyone but there are still many common threads and we shouldn't be afraid to talk about it. I've been talking about my ongoing war with depression for many years now and it's a liberating experience. I encourage everyone to be open and honest with the people in your lives about how depression is impacting you. Silence and shame are two of depressions greatest allies. I'm writing today to update you on how my journey to withdrawal from antidepressants is going. I've been on Paxil and Wellbutrin for many, many years now but it was time to come off the meds and see where I'm at. This was a big decision…

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December 31, 2017