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Confessions of an #Autism Dad: I’m emotionally struggling tonight

I've been trying to write all day and I just can string my thoughts together in a way that makes sense outside of my own head. In the spirit of Autism Awareness month and in an attempt to help you better understand what at least this Autism Dad is struggling with, here's what I'm feeling tonight. I'm exhausted. I'm overwhelmed. I'm beyond stressed out. I'm totally emotionally drained. I'm completely physically drained. I'm finding myself in a dark place tonight. I'm feeling seriously demoralized and beaten down. I'm broken hearted for reasons that are too many to explain. I'm conflicted because I know tomorrow's a new day but it seems far away. I'm doing the best I can but I can't fix the many things in our lives that need…

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April 8, 2018

Confessions / My thoughts

Confessions: So this happened today

This is one of those really honest posts and I only share it to put our lives in better context, as well as showing others that they aren't alone. This morning started off on a great foot, but has gone down him rapidly since. For the first time in a long time, we have had our gas shutoff. My account is really screwed up at the moment. Some of if is my fault and some of it is billing on their end. When I paid on my bill about a month ago, and accidentally paid $865.00 instead of $86.50, my bank eventually reclaimed the funds for me. The gas company see that as I paid $865.00 and the check was returned. While technically that's true, I accidentally paid the incorrect…

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October 16, 2017

Confessions / My thoughts

Confessions: Things are NOT looking good

I'm sharing this because I know many of you are struggling, but you're not alone. Our story won't make your situation better, but at least know know someone out there can relate. We're currently facing a pretty major set of problems. The root cause of most of them is the fact that my paycheck hasn't arrived yet. This one simple event has triggered all kinds of issues. The biggest, and most worrisome is our lack of groceries. We have food, so please don't worry too much. We just don't have much left that the boys will eat. It's a pretty terrible feeling to open up the refrigerator and find it almost completely empty. We haven't actually been in a predicament like this, or rather to this extent, in a very…

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June 12, 2017

Confessions / My thoughts

Confessions of a struggling and stressed out #Autism Dad

This is going to be a super honest post. I've not written one like this in awhile because I got tired of judgemental and ridicule from people who don't get it. One of my regular readers has been encouraging me to return to some of my more brutally honest writings because it provides further insight, and it may help others in similar circumstance. With that in mind, here we go. My anxiety and stress level have been extremely high recently. Truthfully, they're always high. I'm raising three special needs kids and stress goes hand in hand. Lately however, things have been getting pretty bad, and rather than write about it, I keep it bottled up inside. In the past, I wouldn't have thought twice about sharing but ever since Lizze…

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April 15, 2017

Confessions / My thoughts

Sometimes I need to purge and this is one of those times

I've been trying to finish up a few posts tonight but I'm really struggling. Nothing I write seems to come out in a way that conveys my thoughts accurately and I'm getting really frustrated. Rather than continue to struggle, I'm going to let my thoughts flow into this entry, without being shaped. As a result, I may jump around, but please understand that I'm trying to work through something in real-time. I don't even know where to begin but I guess I'll begin with the immediate stressors. These are things that are weighing heavy on me or breaking me down. One of the biggest at the moment is pretty much all of the Autism related symptoms my kids deal with on a daily basis. If I were to try narrowing…

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April 2, 2017

Confessions / My thoughts

Confessions: How I’m not coping well with my son’s declining overall health

So I've mentioned that I'm going through some things at the moment but never got around to saying exactly what those things were. This is the post I promised a few days ago. I'm sorry it took so long but it's not as easy for me to write lately. By nature I'm a positive person. I've got a wicked sense of humor and I enjoy laughing. Frankly, if we're being honest, it's that sense of humor that's mostly kept me from losing my mind on many occasions. For instance, I refer to Gavin's schizophrenic hallucinations in a manner that some may deem disrespectful but it's simply how I cope with all of this and the name is actually very appropriate. I've dubbed the friends in Gavin's world, his visibly challenged…

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September 20, 2016

Confessions

Confessions: Do you ever feel like a parenting failure because I do

It's been a long weekend and I think it's taken its toll on me. I can't seem to pull myself out of the funk I'm in. I'm struggling a bit tonight because I'm feeling like a failure on many fronts. I realize that perhaps I'm taking a few blows on the depression front and that my plate is overflowing with things to worry about. I'm feeling pretty crappy right now and I wanted to share my thought process because maybe it can help someone else who's going through the same thing. When things get overwhelming, sometimes I can sorta turn on myself. I focus on all the things I'm doing wrong or not doing good enough and it's very defeating. Tonight, I'm worried about everyday life stuff. I still haven't…

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August 14, 2016

Confessions

Confessions of an #Autism Dad: I want to share this so you know you’re not alone

This is one of those posts where I talk about things that are bound to bring out the Monday morning quarterbacks but that's okay. The reason I share things like this is because I know I'm far from the only one struggling and it's important to me that I remind those in similar circumstance, that they aren't alone. Parenting is tough. That's simply a fact that any parent can attest to. While everything is relative, Autism Parenting is even tougher for a million reasons and that's simply a fact as well. Today's been one of those days where the consequences of decisions we've had to make recently, are realized. We had our Natural Gas shut off today. Dominion East Ohio came out and needed $250 (which frankly isn't that bad)…

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August 12, 2016