I’ve kept this a secret for 25 years but I’m sharing my story now
For the last 25 years, I've lived with a secret that only a few people close to me knew about.
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December 7, 2018
I’m no longer a child
It's hard to imagine how one person can have such an impact on my life that even 30 years later, the sight of them instantly brings back feelings of being powerless, terrified and ashamed.
November 12, 2018
Have you ever felt this overwhelmed by life?
It's been a really long day and I'm personally struggling with my depression. The boys, while home sick, felt better as the afternoon progressed and seem to be doing fine at this point in time. They've been moody and easily agitated but that happens on a good day. I really need to dedicate a post to this. Gavin on the other hand has been all over the place today. He's been testing my patience in every possible way, although I don't believe it to be intentional on his part. He's just struggling in many areas of his life and that's sorta par for the course for him. The amount of patience that Gavin requires on a daily basis is draining to say the least. He freaks out over every tiny…
October 6, 2018
My struggle with #Depression and #anxiety is very real right now
If it hasn't been obvious from my recent postings, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety lately. It's impacting many areas of my life and I can't really single out a singular trigger. I can, however, say that life has become more difficult as of late. Something you may not know about depression is that that it can be different for everyone. I don't always feel bad or even anxious but sometimes I do. There are times when I feel like I'm compensating rather well and then all of a sudden, it's like I walked full speed, straight in a brick wall. I can go from everything is fine to crippling thoughts and unrelenting anxiety in an instant. Realistically, I'm sure it's a more gradual process than that but it…
September 29, 2018
Confessions: Sometimes I can be a shitty husband
No one is perfect, least of all me. I'm as far from perfect as one can get. Sometimes I can have days where I'm farther from perfect than I typically am. Today is one such day. Lizze and I are under a great deal of unrelenting stress. We have everything with the kids, everything going on with her and everything going on in the rest of our lives (finances, the house, the car, where we live etc). It takes its toll at times and sometimes, I just overload. Lizze was trying to talk to me about something in regards to her health and I was not a good listener. How hard can that be? Clearly, it's hard for me and that's unfair to Lizze. It really is unfair and it's…
September 25, 2018
I confess to sometimes feeling crushed by my #SpecialNeeds family
You may or may not know this but I have quite a bit in my plate. I try so hard to do right by everyone in my family but there are times I become do overwhelmed by their needs, I feel like I'm being crushed. I'm feeling crushed right now by the weight of everything. Lizze is living with high functioning Autism, PTSD, ADHD, chronic pain, fibromyalgia, depression, ehlers-danlos, bipolar disorder and untreatable daily migraines among others. Gavin is living with chronic pain, childhood disintegrative disorder (very rare, regressive form of Autism), common variable immunodeficiency, epilepsy, schizophrenia, asthma, and a very rare autonomic disorder among others. Elliott is living with Autism, sensory processing disorder, depression, severe anxiety, ADHD, food allergies and possibly bipolar disorder. Emmett is living with Autism, anxiety,…
September 1, 2018
The 2 main reasons I feel like I’ve failed my family
This is one of those posts that some people will complain about for whatever reason. Maybe they feel it's too negative or that I'm just looking for sympathy, but whatever. I'm writing this because keeping it inside is eating me alive and the only way I know how to process these feelings is to write about it. I feel like I'm failing my family and whether it's true or not is irrelevant because it's how I feel. As a parent, we all want what the best for our kids. As a special needs parent, there are so many things outside of my control and so many burdens I can't take away from my kids, it makes everything else feel so much more important. When I can't take away my kids…
June 16, 2018
I was not in a good place when I wrote this
Disclaimer: This post is meant to provide insight into my state of mind in this very moment. I'm writing this in an attempt to process these feelings and deal with them in a positive way. I'm far from perfect but I get up each morning and do my very best to be what everyone needs me to be. Unfortunately, on days like today, I don't just fall short, I straight up crash and burn. These are the thoughts and feelings of an overwhelmed husband and father. I understand that my logic might not make sense but I'm writing this in real time and it's how I'm feeling in this very moment. Tomorrow is a new day and things will be better, but for right now, they aren't. I'll also add…
May 6, 2018