Confessions Archives - The Autism Dad

A huge thank you and a birthday confession

Today has been a total roller coaster ride. I turned 42 years old today and it was a rough birthday for a million reasons. The last few days have been particularly difficult for me. The other night I had a very vivid dream. It was basically that my family was whole and that my marriage never imploded. It was just everyday life things. Kids went to school, I worked and we did all the normal things we used to do. It felt so real and it was one of those dreams where it's like you wake up in your dream and think you're actually awake. It's really weird. Anyway, it was such a good feeling and it honestly felt like all of this last year had just been a bad…

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August 25, 2020

Confessions: I’m worn out and overwhelmed

Today has me stressing out quite a bit. As lockdown drags on and on, it's getting harder and harder to make ends meet. This month has been absolutely horrible in that area and I'm really worried about what July is going to look like. Being a single Dad and full time caregiver to 3 Autistic kids, working from home has been my only option for many years. My main source of income is derived from this site and more recently, my podcast. Between sponsored posts, ad spots, affiliate and digital marketing, I've been able to make ends meet. Things have been a great deal harder since the pandemic hit. There are millions of families struggling right now and mine just happens to be one of them. Essentially, the bulk of my…

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June 21, 2020

Confessions / My thoughts

I tell people I’m okay but I’m really not

Twice today, I've been called out for not being honest about how I'm doing. My amazing Mother was the first one, and a few hours later, my therapist became the second. I wanted to talk about this briefly and ask you to take a second, do a self-inventory and see if maybe this applies to you as well. Basically, I was called out for not being honest about how I'm doing. People ask me all the time how I'm doing and with the exception of a very few people, on rare occasions, I generally politely reply that I'm doing good. I get away with that because most people don't look beneath the surface. They don't really see that sometimes when I say I'm okay, I'm only saying that to make…

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December 5, 2019

Confessions / My thoughts / New Beginnings

I’ve been a single Dad to my 3 #Autistic kids for exactly 3 months now and here’s the truth

It's been three months since I became a single Dad again and I'm still trying to find my footing. It's not easy to grieve, while being a full time Dad and caregiver to three amazing kids with special needs. This time around, I think I'm adjusting a bit quicker than I did before. Adjusting doesn't mean I'm happy or I'm okay with any of this. It simply means that I'm adapting to the change, nothing more and nothing less. I'm doing okay. I have my moments where I would give anything to change this and moments where I recognize that it's for the best. I also spend a lot of time in between those places as well. Being a single Dad and raising three amazing but challenging kids alone is…

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November 10, 2019

Confessions / My thoughts

It f*cking hurts to know that I’m not enough

We've had a busy day and while it's been mostly positive, there are some things that have my stress and anxiety through the roof. Okay. So the kids had a birthday party this afternoon and it was really nice. Emmett's friend is a sweet kid and his family is pretty amazing as well. It was fun and actual adult company is sorely lacking in my life. The bad news starts with Elliott dropping his phone at the party and shattering the screen. He's absolutely beside himself and has been in a horrible mood since it happened. He cannot cope with loss right now and this feels like a major loss to him. The yellow lines run alongside the cracks to show where they are. Some of the cracks are raised,…

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October 19, 2019

Confessions / My thoughts

I lost my cool tonight

For the first time in a long time, I'm actually feeling good-ish about myself. Selfcare is a priority again, even if it's not perfect, I'm doing my best to work with what I got. Today was a pretty decent day. The kids drove me crazy, but that's par for the course. ☺ Everything actually went mostly okay. I even got my recording equipment almost working. When the cables arrive today, I should be good to go. Hopefully it will be in time for my interview today but if not, I'll manage. The meeting tonight with Lizze, her mom and the kids therapist was actually fairly productive. At the very end, I allowed my emotions to get the better of me and I unloaded. While I will not apologize for how…

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October 17, 2019

Confessions / My thoughts

I feel like such an asshole tonight

I've got a great deal weighing on me and it all came to a head tonight. I feel like shit right now because I lost my cool with Elliott tonight. Honestly, it was stupid and if I was a better person, I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. I had asked Elliott a question and I received a very teenager type response. There was some attitude and refusal to cooperate. Rather than be the only adult in the house, I tried to reason with him and it escalated rather quickly. I raised my voice to him, mostly to talk over his yelling in an attempt to get him to listen. It just didn't go well. I cursed a few times and that's something I try hard not to do…

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October 12, 2019

Autism Parenting Insight / Confessions / My thoughts

I’m NOT okay

The truth is, I'm NOT okay. I'm not okay and I'm going to be very honest about why that is.

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July 1, 2019