It feels awful to know I’m failing my wife and kids

We had Elliott to Akron Children's Hospital yesterday. It was a routine follow up in behavioral health. We discussed any concerns we had. We talwdat things are going well and what needs work. We also follow up on medications and make sure we're still on the right track with that as well. I personally feel like Elliott is making a serious effort in many areas, and I made sure to bring that up. I'm incredibly proud of him because I know that life in our house isn't easy. That said, there are still things that he needs to work on as well. That's not anything against him at all. He's a newly minted teenager, and that's never easy, especially when Autism factors in. One of the things that Elliott is…

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I almost had to kick in my son’s bedroom door tonight

We had an incident tonight that sorta derailed our evening. I had assigned everyone a chore to do after we got home from dinner. They were all simple things like feeding the dog and changing the trash. I asked Emmett to split up the new bottle of hand sanitizer between the bathroom and the kitchen. We buy a large bottle and use that to refill the two smaller bottles we have in the house. Anyway, Emmett ended having a rough time for some reason. He had spilled some on the front of the new bottle, and because there's alcohol in it, the ink on the label bled. He was doing this in the bathtub for some reason, and the ink left blue marks all over the bottom of the tub.…

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Will this be another sleepless night?

As our weekend comes to a close, we are faced with an unexpected challenge. For whatever reason, Elliott and Emmett aren't able to fall asleep. At this point, it's after 1 AM, and they've already had 5mg of melatonin. I'm unsure why of they are struggling tonight. I know Emmett has been complaining about his legs hurting. We suspect they're growing pains, but we are going to call his doctor this week. We're supposed to let her know if we notice anything because she's concerned that he's put on a lot of weight in a short amount of time. It could be a growth spurt but all his life, he's been inside the 13th percentile on the growth charts. Within a six month window, he climbed to over the 50th…

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I’m going to bed heartbroken

We had a great afternoon/evening at the movies. Avengers: Endgame was amazing. I'll leave it at that cause I don't want to ruin it for anyone. I'm so grateful that we had the opportunity to do this as a family. ☺ Unfortunately, that's where the awesome news ends and the bad news begins. After the boys went to bed tonight, Gavin came downstairs to take his bedtime meds, but before he did that, he needed to tell us something. I've grown to dread these moments because when he says things like this, it's seldom something I want to hear about. Gavin informed us that he wouldn't be able to help out around the house tomorrow because "I'm going to be needed at HQ a lot cause Sonic has a really…

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24 hours of devastating meltdowns

Gavin is not having a good day. We've already survived several meltdowns, and that was before 9 AM. Yesterday was pretty rough for him as well, and I'm not sure what's going on. Yesterday, he lost it because I was paying him a compliment. I think it came down to semantics on his part. Here's what happened. When I picked him up yesterday morning so I could take him to get his blood work done, I noticed that he was wearing a hoodie. Gavin has this thing where he automatically defaults to wearing his winter coat, hat, and gloves, even in warmer weather. All I did was compliment him for dressing appropriately for the weather. I asked him if he'd checked the weather before heading out to the car and…

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Code Z

Another day, another psychotic episode. Last night, Gavin came running into the living room and was visibly upset. He began nervously pacing back and forth before blurting out code z. I wasn't paying close attention to what he was saying because he's psychotic and saying all kinds of crazy things. I don't mean that disrespectfully but instead it's literally what's happening in my house right now. After he began shouting code z - code z, I was concerned about his little brothers hearing him, so I calmed Gavin down and asked him to explain to me quietly what was going on. Even paying meticulous attention to his words left me struggling to follow what the hell he was talking about but here's what I gathered. Code Z stands for Code…

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Every day it seems there’s more to worry about

It's been a chaotic day for me. Elliott was home sick, Lizze isn't feeling good, and Emmett is struggling in his own way. Don't even get me started on Gavin. Today brought to light a new concern in regards to Gavin. When we were at his neurologist a week or so ago, he weighed 137 lbs. That was progress in our efforts to help him gain weight. I noticed yesterday, when I was trying to help him with his infusion, he has almost no body fat. It's so difficult to do these infusions because the subcutaneous needles end up hitting muscle. Not only is that painful but I think it's also contributing to the issues with the infusion sites always leaking. This morning I had Gavin step on the scale,…

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We’re seeing some concerning behavior

Tonight's therapy was focused on Emmett and his struggles with frustration. There are a ton of moving parts to this situation and to further complicate things; we can likely add puberty to the mix as well. We think that we may have to adjust his ADHD meds as well. He's so incredibly impulsive, with excessive amounts of energy and it's becoming a bigger problem. It's not uncommon to require medication adjustments, especially during puberty. It's something we have to talk to his doctor about. What I want to do for the moment is to tighten things up at home. Emmett does so well in school, and I suspect, like many kids with Autism, the structure school provides a big help. We can mimic some of that at home. Perhaps that…

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