When doing the right thing breaks your heart and feels like shit

I haven't written much since Thursday and there's a good reason for that. I had a truly horrible experience and it really knocked me for a loop. It was one of those times where doing the right thing made me feel like a monster. 😔 This past Thursday, Elliott had an appointment with his pediatrician. This was a follow-up in regards to him having recently begun taking Prozac for anxiety. The day began with the very first snow day of the year and we all had a great morning. I noticed that Elliott's cheeks were red and I decided to check his temperature. He was indeed running a low-grade fever and I was thinking it would be a good idea to get his blood work done while we were there.…

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It’s so hard to feed my kids

One of the hardest, most frustrating challenges my wife and I face on a daily basis, is struggling to feed our kids. The struggle is probably not for the reasons you think either. It's not because we don't have food or have a hard time getting food. Working from home hasn't always been easy but it's finally beginning to pay off and we have been paying for 99% of our groceries out of pocket for awhile now. That's something that feels amazing but it doesn't make feeding our kids any easier. Trying to feed two of our three kids with major sensory processing issues has proven to be one of the most challenging things about being an Autism parent to three kids on the spectrum. My two youngest have such…

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What the hell just happened?

This morning was a nightmare with Mr. Emmett. He was beside himself all fricking morning long. He screamed, screamed and screamed a whole lot more. You would be shocked by just how draining this is for us as parents. The issue seemed to revolve around his mouth hurting. He has a tooth coming in and as a result, he's refusing to eat. He melted down because he didn't want anything for lunch but then he did. It was very clear that he was frustrated and simply wasn't able to process anything. He did eventually make it to school but not before setting a tone for the day that is quite unpleasant. I suspect that he's in a fever cycle because it's unusual for him to go this far off the…

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It could always be worse. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Last night was Hell on Earth but it could have been worse. A couple hours after putting Emmett and Elliott to bed for the night, Emmett woke up with can only be described as restless legs. He was beside himself because his legs were driving him crazy. If you've ever dealt with restless legs before, it's horrible. My Mom deals with restless leg syndrome, as does Lizze. On occasion, I've experienced it myself and I swear to God that when you're dealing with this are 2 AM, cutting your legs off seems like a viable option. Emmett's never had this happen before and we tried all the tricks we know about to help him, but nothing worked. We tried massage, weighted blankets, warm water, walking around, tensing/relaxing his leg muscles,…

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Gavin’s driving me crazy

It's no secret that I'm worried about Gavin for a great many reasons. I love this kid to death and will continue to do whatever I can to help him live the best life he possibly can. At the same time, I'm a human being and have limits to what I can deal with. Having said that, Gavin is driving me absolutely crazy. I'm stressed out enough with everything going on around me and that puts a serious strain on the limited resources in which I use to cope with life. Gavin has spent the bulk of his life as an incessant talker and unfortunately, that's something that seems to be getting ever more incessant. I don't know what you call a significantly increased level of incessant talking but it's…

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Is Sensory Processing Disorder controlling our lives?

Sensory processing disorder sometimes seems to be controlling our lives. It really is something that has an impact on so many daily functions, and unless you're living with or loving someone with this struggle, it's very difficult to understand. In my house, all three of our kids face these daily struggles. Their brains are hardwired differently and they do not perceive sensory input correctly. This leads to frustration, being overwhelmed, anxiety, meltdowns and yes, even physical pain. Truth be told, we gave up on a balanced diet a long time ago and now focus on calories. While sensory processing disorder (SPD) impacts many areas, but the most challenging for me as a parent, revolves around eating food. The most profoundly impacted are Elliott and Emmett, so I'm focusing here for…

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We were caught up in #Autism Hell this morning

The boys had a horrible morning. There are some days that as a parent, Autism kicks my ass up one side of the street and down the other. Today is one of those days. Elliott sorta worked through his struggle but Emmett was another story all together. Poor Emmett wouldn't wear a shirt and it took until after 8:30 AM to get him in the car. By that time, they both missed breakfast at school and that only compounded the issue. I think a large part this mornings nightmare was the result of anxiety related to getting his flu short this afternoon. I know that was the case for Elliott as well. Emmett spent all his resources trying to cope with his anxiety surrounding his pending flu short, that he…

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I’m so incredibly worried, overwhelmed and stressed out

We had a pretty nice evening, especially considering how stressful of a day it was. Lizze is sick and not doing well. Her cough is bad and she's in a lot of overall pain. She's only been on antibiotics for a couple days, so she should be feeling better in the coming days. Gavin is a hot mess. He's all over the place and absolutely struggling with nearly all areas of his life. I'm extremely worried about this new-ish unknown blood disorder and we are waiting for the referral to Hematology. Poor Gavin's Schizophrenia is definitely worsening since the reduction of his meds but there's no choices at this point. Let's not forget Elliott. Most of my morning was spent focusing on Elliott. He was at the pediatrician because he…

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