I’m a Special Needs Dad, guilty of losing hope

I haven't written a truly heartfelt piece in a very long time. Writing has been such an intrical part of my life for so long now but I feel like I've lost my voice. Writing has lost its meaning and I've lost my passion for it. I'm working to rebuild that part of my life and it's not easy. There are roadblocks I've yet to overcome and others that cause me to veer off course, at least temporarily. That being said, and reasons I can't explain, I feel compelled to talk about hope. I'm not writing about it in a way that's meant to be inspiring to others, at least I don't think it is. I'm writing about how I've lost hope. I'm writing about something very personal and painful…

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Does this make me the monster I feel like I am?

I'm going to cut to the chase. Putting things bluntly, Gavin is driving me absolutely crazy and I'm not as patient with him as I should be or as much as he deserves. He's constantly asking me the same questions and sharing outload, every thought that pops into his head. It's exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming. I used to be so patient with him in this regard and would listen to every word that came out of his mouth. Over time, it's chipped away at me and as Gavin's overall cognitive ability suffers, the constant talking increases. Getting him to do one or two step tasks requires multiple attempts and a great deal of coaching. I've no question in my mind that he's doing the best he can. I also know…

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A MASSIVE and IMPORTANT Update for the last couple of days

Hey folks. It's been a couple days since I've written anything other than an update on my tumultuous relationship with Paxil and there's a good reason for that. That good reason is, I'm fucking miserable. I'm anxious, stressed, emotional, not sleeping, nauseated and freaking out. None of this is really new information because it's the same side effects I've been struggling with since I took my last dose of Paxil, exactly one week ago today. Rather than focus on my current disparity, I want to catch everyone up on some of the things I've been meaning to write about but haven't, because of the stuff in the previous two paragraphs. School Related It was a shorter school week because of teacher in-service and end of the quarter stuff. The kids…

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#Autism Parenting Confessions: Does anyone else ever feel like giving up but won’t?

This is by far, one of the worst mornings we've had in a very, very long time. Emmett was in full meltdown mode over his clothes. Emmett's only been able to wear this one pair of pants for the last two school years. Unfortunately, the knees are blown out and are beyond repair. I've stitched them up so many times there's nothing left to hold a stitch. Iron on knee patches aren't an option for Sensory reasons. I wish I could say that I handled this morning with grace but I ran out of patience. I should say that me running out of patience means that I might raise my voice and that's it. This morning, 8 definitely raised my voice and that only made things worse. The big issue…

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