I've really been struggling with the idea of turning 40 on Friday. In fact, I've been struggling so much, that I've been telling everyone my birthday is on Thursday when Emmett pointed out to me last night, that it's actually Friday. There are countless reasons that anyone would stress out about hitting the big 4 - 0 but for me, there's one reason in particular that's eating away at me. To be honest, I've only realized this because of the back and forth I've been having with some of my readers. Hearing others people's thoughts helps me put mine into frame. My struggle isn't about getting older, feeling older or even looking older. It's not about a mid-life crisis or that I'm second guessing my life choices, although to be…

As I mentioned in the previous post, there's an enormous pink elephant in the room right now and it's better known as my 40th birthday. I turn 40 years old on Thursday, August 24th and I'm struggling. I just realized that I've been an Autism for almost half of my life. That's a bit overwhelming to think about, so I just won't. ☺ Let me begin by saying that I've decided not to discontinue my last remaining antidepressant right now because I'm concerned it might be a bad idea, especially due to the headspace I find myself in. Turing 40 is supposed to be a big deal and it is in many ways. In other ways it's just another day. As it is, the fates, life and a few other…

The kids have been a handful today already and I'm tired of the challenges faced at each and every turn. I love my kids but they are driving me crazy. While I know that's a short trip, it's a bumpy ride. I haven't heard much from Gavin today. He's been down to eat breakfast and take his meds. He then took a nap before coming back down to eat lunch. For some reason, the boys are being exceptionally loud today and I want the noise to stop. Unfortunately, I don't see any relief coming until bedtime. Hopefully, I'll be able to sneak my walk in after dinner but it's going to be a long day.

There are times that I really struggle with being the only person in my house without Autism. Today is one of those days, more specifically, tonight is one of those nights. Communication across the board is always a challenge, be it with Lizze or the boys. I almost always feel like the odd man out because while I can communicate exceptionally well with most people, communicating with my own family is not easy. Each person has their own way of communicating and in many ways, it's like I have to speak five different languages. It's exhausting having to always choose my words with caution. Some of my family is very literal, meaning if I say I'll be there in a minute, they will count to sixty and want to know…

I thought I would take a few minutes and talk about where I'm at right now. I don't mean where I'm physically at, but instead where I'm at emotionally. I haven't really spoken about my mental health for a little while and because it's a huge part of my life, it's important to talk about. There are so many pieces and parts that make up the person I am but my mental health has an overwhelming impact on all of them. I would never represent myself as the picture of mental health because that couldn't be further from the truth. I struggle at times. In fact, there are times I struggle a great deal. Those struggles aren't always associated with my ongoing, lifelong war with Depression either, which you can…