So I have been struggling lately. Honestly, I have been struggling a lot. My life is very overwhelming. My wife and I are raising 3 kids. 2 of our kids are special needs and all 3 fall on the spectrum somewhere. Gavin our oldest is extremely challenging. It appears that we are also dealing with schizophrenia with him as well. I can't even begin to explain how tough that is. We are back to multiple violent meltdowns everyday again. Our youngest Emmett John is most likely non-verbal autistic but we don't know for sure. He is 2 years old but stuck at about 9 months developmentally. We are trying to get him every possible resource in order to help him. He doesn't talk so we struggle to communicate. EJ is…

Elliott Richard is up again tonight with nightmares curtesy of Gavin. Gavin has been telling ER scary things and now He has nightmares every night. The only way anyone will get sleep is to camp out on the couch with ER. It's what makes him feel safe right now. His anxiety is through the roof right now anyway if this helps then so be it. I wish there was about a 10 second delay when Gavin opens his mouth so we can head it off at the pass.

Seriously, who ever said that "as a parent you should have endless patiences with your kids" clearly didn't have an Autistic child. I recognise the fact that I need more patiences but I've got none left. True Story: The other day I was going through the drive thru and when asked what I wanted I asked for sanity.

Accountability. I touch on the gap between the emotional and physical age of Gavin in my last post. One of the things we struggle with as special needs parents is accountability. With a child like Gavin, how do you hold them accountable? Gavin is physically 10 years old and into puberty. However, Gavin's emotional age is that of a 2 year old. What is his true age? Do we treat him like a 10 year old or do we treat him like a 2 year old? When he does something wrong do we hold him to the standards of a 10 year old (keeping in mind his Autism ect). Would that be like holding Emmett John (who is actually 2 years old) to the same standards as a 10 year…

Gavin is changing. His mannerisms have completely changed. They way he talks is very mechanical now. His face moved like a bad animatronic machine from an old movie. I don't know if this a side effect of the new anti-psychotics but it is very concerning. We have an appointment in a few days but we emailed Dr. R today to let him know what was happening. Listening to Gavin ramble (because that's what he does now) is like watching an old Kung Fu movie that has been voiced over. It's all very dramatic. He also bares his teeth when he's talking, it's really weird and honestly a bit creepy. He has become much more aggressive and we are back to having meltdowns several times a day. We almost need to…

I came to a depressing realization today. I was reminded. of just how infantile Gavin is. The reality is that Gavin is a 2 year old in a 10 year olds body. Elliott Richard is more emotionally mature. When you get past Gavin's physical size/age and look at him for who he is you see a baby or toddler. Gavin has fits or meltdowns just like Emmett John does. The problem is that Gavin is as big and strong as a 10 year old pubescent boy. I have a really hard time seeing this most of the time. Honestly, I usually just see an out of control 10 year old boy. I fail to recognise his "true" age and I don't know how to remember that. It's impossible to understand…

Gavin is hearing voices again. This most likely means his new meds aren't working. He has spent most of the day in his room due to safety and behavioral issues. Every once in a while he shouts down and answers a question we never asked him. He also asks if we called him because he heard a voice. This is actually scary because when this happens nothing good will follow. The anti-psychotics are supposed to quiet the voices but the new ones don't seem to be working. We don't know what the voices are saying but either way this is bad news. We are going to have to get an emergency appointment and get him seen. He is becoming much more aggressive now so we once again have safety concerns.

Gavin has been telling Elliott Richard horror stories. We keep correcting Gavin and even punishing him but he just keeps doing it. Gavin earned himself oatmeal last night because he thought ER would like to hear about vampires. So he told ER that vampires come out at night and bite your neck so they can suck your blood. Guess who didn't sleep last night. Ding Ding. You guessed it, Elliott Richard. Nightmares AGAIN... When ER was at Dr. Patti's this week she said his anxiety is through the roof. I can't imagine why. Gavin keeps doing this crap and I'm honestly starting to think he's doing it on purpose. He knows he's not supposed to do that but he doesn't seem to care. We monitor as closely as possible but…