...I know that we are starting to feel the pressure and weight of the life we have chosen. I know we are both short on patiences and it's understandable. Very few people understand the stress and pressure we are constantly under. No one knows better then you and I the lengths we go for the family we have created together. Things are never going to be easy but they will be rewarding. We might not get a break from this journey or time to ourselves but together we will pull everyone through. I know you have been through alot in your short 30 years. You always compare your weaknesses to others strengths and that is a battle no one can win. You are the most amazing mother, even when tired…

...our ability to tread water. Gavin is more and more frustrating each day. Elliott is an emotional roller coaster. Emmett is becoming more and more destructive and his ability to communicate is not improving. I feel like everything is becoming heavier and heavier. There is no relief in sight and no light at the end of the tunnel. We have a lot of major decisions coming up and I just don't even know where to begin. There are to many priorities and we just can't address them all. Things are slipping through the cracks.

....back on the table as a possible diagnosis. Gavin seems to be showing signs of paranoid delusions.  The other night he was sitting at the table and told me someone was watching him. He said that he saw 2 glowing eyes in the dark side of the toy box. He said he wasn't scared and was going to stay calm because he didn't want to scare what was watching him. Gavin is also convinced that the school is giving him spoiled milk on purpose. He says that the expiration date is only a week out. He says they are spoiled when they are not. He is also convinced they are doing this to him on purpose. I don't know what to do with that. He just seems to be sliping deeper and…

...go with the video. Please keep in mind that this is being done with the hopes of giving some insight into Gavin. I want to have a basis of comparison so if we feel something has changed we have a video to compare it to as well. I want what we are going through to help others in a similar situation. You will notice that Gavin cannot sit still. THIS IS NOT NORMAL FOR HIM. In this you will hear me remind him to sit like a pretzel. This is what he has to do so that he doesn't kick anyone or anything around him. It also prevents him from hurting himself by smashing his feet into the floor, over and over again. Typically this isn't a problem for him to do. He's also…

...posting a video of Gavin.This is meant for documentation purposes. He did not know he was being recorded. I am trying to show how the movement disorder is progressing or hopefully getting better. This video will show Gavin sitting on the floor as we are trying to de-escalate a meltdown. We require Gavin to sit like a pretzels that he cannot hurt anyone. Clearly Gavin is struggling in this video and it's may be difficult to watch. I think that it is important to see what we are trying to deal with and the stages of progression so if God forbid any of you should run into this you know what to look for. The video is currently uploading...

Gavin is upstairs running in circles in his room and playing drums on his mattress. There is no way he is manic...

Gavin is REALLY struggling. It honestly appears as though he is losing his mind. He is ALL OVER THE PLACE. He is an emotional wreck. He is dragging the rest of us down with him. Elliott is getting pulled into Gavin's "world".  Elliott is having trouble telling the difference between real and imaginary now. Gavin is teaching him by example and his example is not good. We have to figure out a way to minimize Gavin's impact on Elliott. I don't know how to do that without keeping them from having contact.

Today has been just a bad day. It started out rough and ended rough. Gavin is becoming more and more of a handful. The impact he is having on Elliott is very profound. Gavin is dragging Elliott into his imaginary world. He is teaching Elliott that these things are real by his example. I don't know how to find balance. I don't know how to allow us all to coexist without unneeded fallout. Things are becoming more and more difficult to handle. Lizze has given so much of herself that I think she has lost a sense of who she is. It's a real struggle to try to be what everyone needs all the time but she has done that selflessly for so long that she has forgotten how to take care of…