There are moments that I am just so angry with the cards my family has been dealt. Why do we deserve this? We're good people, not perfect but good. My kids never did anything to anyone. Why are we so unlucky? Why do my wife and kids have to suffer? I look back and wonder what we did so wrong that we deserve this. My wife survived a very abusive ex husband and 10 years in court protecting Gavin from that same abuse and worse (you can use you're imagination there and you wouldn't be far off) . We eventually won but at what cost? Lizze's health is a complete disaster and we all know about Gavin's quality of life. We went backrupt and still owe over $25,000 in legal…

Emmett will be back at the doctors in the morning. He has been screaming ALL night so far. He's cracked Lizze square in the face about 3 times so far. This has to stop....

With Gavin going downhill again we have to begin planning for a hospital stay. I can see this trip happening in the next 30 days (unless the new meds help). We have to make arrangements for the kids and have them in place in the event this happens. The past few times he was in the hospital it happened without much warning. That is to say we hadn't really planned for it and it had a huge impact on us emotionally, physically and finacially. I'm not sure if it would be Akron or Cleveland because ALL his neuro specialists are in the Cleveland Clinic. It would probably depend on who had room and/or if the movements come back due to the new medications. That's another concern I forgot to mention.…

It's been almost 6 monthes since I had to give up walking and running. I have finally decided that I just HAVE to get back on track (no pun intended). My back pain is worse then it ever has been and I've put the weight I worked so hard to lose right back on. So this day #4 of walking. I'm going to try to maintain AT LEAST 1.5 miles a day. As I go forward I'll work my way back up to 5 or 6 miles a day. I just need to be careful not to do to much to fast so I don't make anything worse. I'm also going to do back on my whole food diet. I hate veggies but I can do them in a smoothie…

Elliott is having a rough night. His cough is really bad. I finally got him to take is cough medicine but don't know if it will help. I also have the cool mist going in his room as well. Hopefully he can get some sleep.....

Today has been really stressful for me. I knew Gavin wasn't  doing well but it's another thing to hear confirmation of your fears. I really don't know what we are supposed to be doing anymore because nothing helps. Elliott has pneumonia and so we have to stay on him to keep him resting so it doesn't get any worse. The last thing we need is for him to be in the hospital. He had pneumonia one other time and it almost killed him. This was when he was in the NICU for a few weeks after he was born. He recovered from the bilateral pneumo's but it was the pneumonia that really got him. Knowing he has it again is not an easy pill to swollow... I know it's different…

Lizze got back from Elliott's appointment a little while ago. He has asthmatic bronchitis and walking pneumonia. He's out for about a week. He should be ok for school on Monday but we'll have to see. Aside from the fact that it sucks having Elliott sick and miserable it screws the week up. We have to be in Akron on Friday. Emmett has the Neuro-developmental center for a follow up.

Just got back from Gavin's appointment with Dr. R..... Gavin struggled and melted down durning the wait. Gavin's diagnosis is schizoeffective disorder. I have a copy of the paper now. Gavin is clearly psychotic and Dr. R thinks the memory issues may be due in part to the "voices" being so loud that they drown everything else out. Another problem is the regression. Gavin has regressed and lost abilities. His speech is suffering as well. He is becoming more and more difficult to understand. His loss of abilities include things like opening the car door, putting blocks together (sometimes) and following SIMPLE 1 step tasks.....just to name a few. Dr. R wants him run through the neuro-developmental clinic at Cleveland or Akron. We have to try to identify the cause…