Gavin is continuing to struggle even after the final adjustment to his anti-psychotics. He is starting to see things during the day and not just at night. Well, at least he's telling us about it now.  He is falling up the stairs and dropping things more frequently. His speech is becoming more difficult to understand as well. I don't see a way we can avoid a hospital stay at this point. We can't "not" send him because we feel bad doing it. He has a right to a quality of life much higher then the one he's currently experiencing. As his parents we have to make the choice to set aside our personal needs and wants in order to ensure this happens. The guilt will be there reguardless and we're…

Today has been exhausting on a number of levels. I drove over 200 miles today and my back is killing me.. We had to drive about 85 miles (one way) to a meeting this morning as part of the study that Emmett is involved in called Project Bridge. Today was our first "group" meeting. Basically, we meet with a few other families and interventionist (so to speak) and share our experience and learn new techniques to help better relate, communicate and even integrate into our Autistic children's world. The families we met today were really nice.  Honestly, it was slightly uncomfortable for me, not because of anyone there but because we so rarely come into personal contact with other families similar to ourselves. I really enjoyed hearing little snippets of…

Of course I wouldn't really quit. The truth is, sometimes I just get so completely overwhelmed that I wish I could. I feel helpless, hopeless and Lost and Tired. It feels like there isn't any further down I could sink but I know I will eventually sink further. It's difficult to articulate exact what reaching that point feels like. I'll just say that it sucks..... You also have to understand how bad of a day yesterday was. We drove 100 miles just taking the boys to and from school. We were trying to get ready for Emmett's sleep which we ended up rescheduling. The van was having major issues on the freeway the other day and I knew I needed to get that fixed. Then Lizze informs me that her…

Lizze's main incision is infected again. This time it's much worse. I f*cking quit...

As special needs parent I have to (along with my wife) make some really tough decisions. Honestly, we have very "easy" decisions to make anymore.  Right now we have a problem and we are trying to figure out a way around it. Emmett is scheduled for the sleep study tonight form 8pm-5am Friday morning. We then will have to leave the hospital, kill time for about 3 hours and then be in Cleveland for more Emmett related therapies. Akron is about 25 minutes form my house and Cleveland is about 1.5 hours from my house. We will be doing all of thins on ANOTHER night of no sleep. The other issue is I think the sleep study will be a waste of time. Not because I don't want to spend…

As I said yesterday , we were headed to Case Western Reserve University today for another ADOS for Emmett. This was to determine his eligibility for a research study. We were up, dressed and out the door on time and everything was going...well..considering. We stopped at the Get-Go (Giant Eagle's Gas station) to get gas before we left. I was pumping the gas and I looked up. The 'bare handed man" was standing in front of me. He was wearing the same clothes as the first time I met him. He used the exact same words. He wanted food and a trip to the shelter. He pulled all the change out of his pocket to "prove" he had no money. I looked to my right and Lizze was watching as he talked…

Edit: I posted this last night but it just showed up now.... Lizze and I were up with Elliott most of last night and then up at 6am with Emmett. Elliott and Gavin were both home today due to illness. Elliott went to Dr.H and his lungs are clear but he has an ear infection. I took Gavin and Elliott to therapy tonight. Dr. Patti and I spoke in another room while the boys were playing. I sat there and just sobbed. I'm so overwhelmed, tired, frustrated and scared. Everything is just completely falling apart and no one gets that. You know your life is really screwed up when you make the doctors cry.... I got the boys home and Lizze and Emmett were already in bed at 7:30pm. I…

I just spent the last 20 minutes literally fighting Elliott to get dressed. He has to go back to the doctors because he sounds like he is getting sick again.  Elliott was hysterical,screaming and sobbing. WTF am I supposed to do. Elliott is struggling more and more. I know he plays his DS a lot, too much really. That alone doesn't account for this. I don't know if it's all Gavin but I do know his behavior plays a MAJOR role. Especially when it comes to Elliott's anxiety and self injury. This is getting to the point were we HAVE to do something or this family WILL fail. We see Dr.Patti tonight and we will have to have SERIOUS talk about what our options are.